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How many dead bodies
How many dead bodies in your basement does it take to change a lightbulb? More than five, obviously. I can’t see anything down there.
What did the gold prospector when he discovered his untimely tract infection?
URETHRA!!
What happens when you play a country song in reverse?
The singer gets his dog, home and wife back.
I read recently that a new species of buck has been recently discovered and it has been observed that this new buck species can jump higher than the average house.
This is very concerning because the average house cannot jump!
A man wakes up heavily injured in a hospital after a short period of coma
After the doctors stabilized him, they asked him what happened. The man says: “Well, the last thing I can remember is laying down in the couch with my wife and watching a movie with her. Then, I remember wanting to drink a beer, so I asked my wife to go and snatch one for me. She told me to go and get one myself... A few minutes later, she had received a text message, but her phone wasn’t near her, so she got up to read the message. The message said: ‘Dear wife, since you are now standing up and away from the couch, please bring me a beer’. After that, I remember waking up here and seeing you, doctor.”
A lawyer boarded an airplane in Dublin
with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s fridge. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in London, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Dublin, please raise your hand?” Not one hand went up.... So she took them home and enjoyed them. Two lessons here: 1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are. 2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folk think
At an Ultra Orthodox Yeshiva . . .
“You’re gonna suck bloody baby dicks” is a compliment.
My parents were high when they got engaged
The view from the himalayas was spectacular though
Beaver 1: “Sir, the river is running at full capacity with no obstruction!”
Beaver 2: “Dammit!”