Things better not to say - random entries
... at Christmas ...If your left leg is Christmas and your right leg is New Year
If your Left leg is Thanksgiving and your Right leg is Christmas, can I visit you in between the holidays?
... Jokes ...I went and saw my doctor the other day
He told me to stop masturbating. And I asked him why ?
He said “im trying to examine you.”
What do pumpkins, watermelons, and cantaloupes in the path of a steamroller have in common?
They all end up as squash.
Ba dum tiss.
An Engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician enter a bar
Engineer: My good sirs, without engineers people would still be living in huts
Physicist: But alas my good sir, engineering is simply applied physics
Mathematician: But alas my good sir, physics is simply applied mathematics
"hearty laughter"
Philosopher: But alas my good sirs, mathematics is only applied philosophy
Mathematician: shut up and get us our damned drinks
... to the Police ...I hate it when I yell "shotgun" and the cops still put me in the back.
My belongings are like stars
I never put them in place, but I known where they are.
Wife asked her husband “Are you nuts?”
The husband replied “Let’s get nuts!”
I told an abortion joke the other day...
afterwards, a woman approached me and said that this was very insensitive as she just had had an abortion, and I should not be joking about it.
I answered "oh I am sorry, I just told a joke.. I think what you did is much worse"
Where do South American countries keep their armies?
Just near their Andes.