Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Guy is backing out of a parking space and accidentally hits a car behind him
Guy who’s car got hit says “even I’m better than you at pulling out, and I got 3 kids!”
there are 10 types of people in the world
those who understand binary code, and those who don’t.
... Sayings ...We drink liquor, we drink wine sitting, standing and lying down. And once we`re angels, we`ll drink on the fly.
A prostitute walks into a bar on Christmas eve
A prostitute walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. "So, what did you ask Santa for this year?" the bartender asks. "$30," the prostitute replies, "just like anybody else."
The egg and the safe
A wife noticed there was a safe hidden in her attic. So she asked her husband “what’s with the safe?”
So he told her “I’m not sure but don’t look in there while I’m in the market!”
After he went out she became curious and it ate away at her thinking of this safe in the attic. Finally she gave in and looked in the safe and found £40,000 and 3 eggs. Confused by this she waits for her husband and confronts him.
The husband admittedly tells his wife “it’s my safe and I get an egg every time I’ve slept with a woman outside our marriage.”
The wife thinks that 3 times after 40 years of marriage isn’t all that bad but, asks “where did the £40,000 come from?”
The husband proudly says “every time I get a dozen eggs I sell them!”
Vampires love to bite throats, killing people & then returning them to life
Because vampires are neck romancers
When lawyers play football, are they automatically right-backs?
Just kidding, of course they are and always will be posts.
I didn’t know what I was going to eat yesterday, until I opened the fridge
That’s when I saw the light