Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...After ten long years, a widow finds herself in bed with a new man
After ten long years, a widow finds herself in bed with a new man. He kisses her.
"Only Reggie used to kiss me," she mumbles.
He grabs her breast.
"Only Reggie used to fondle me," she stammers.
He inserts himself inside her.
"Only Reggie used to penetrate me," she moans.
He thrusts repeatedly.
"Only Reggie used to ravage me," she squeals.
She begins to orgasm.
"Reggie or not, here I cum!!"
I’m not saying your mom has large genitals…
But I saw her sit on a barstool and sink right to the floor.
... at a Date ...Dog care
Hey Reddit, today I took my dog to a “groomer”. I really like my dogs “groomer”. She is the best “groomer” I know and she “grooms” my dog the way that I want her to look. Do you know a “groomers”? I bet you do, you probably know a lot of “groomers” don’t you? Have a wonderful day!
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
They just finished a 31 day March.
the wise masters wisdom
As a young adventurer I visited the Himalayas and I heard of a long and beautiful hike at the end of which I could meet a wise master. The journey was as rewarding as it was a challenge, and at the end I found a little old man with a long beard and a handmade cane in a cave. I waved to him, and he beckoned for me to come.
"I am the wise master." He said. "If you ask me for my wisdom, I will hit you with this stick. If you do not ask me for my wisdom, I will hit you with this stick."
I thought about this for a moment. "Well, wise Master. I hiked all this way, and either way you will hit me with the stick - so I might as well learn your wisdom."
Wise master smiled, took the stick, and gave me a hard whap on the head.
"The answer is to take the stick away, idiot." He said. "That is my wisdom, go away."
Girlfriends mad I didn’t give her a Woody for her birthday.
But she didn’t get me a Buzz?
Why does an Irish chili have only 239 beans in it?
Because one more would make it *too farty*.