Things better not to say - random entries

What do call undelivered orders from a take out restaurant?
Leftuber

Sweet Mary had just gotten to High School.
Sweet Mary comes home from her first day in high school and her mom asked her what did you do today? Mary says not much but the boys all got together and gave me a quarter to climb the flagpole. Her mom said you shouldn’t do that those boys just wanted to see your panties Well said Mary they wasted their quarter because I’m not wearing any.

a cowboy opens up a German car dealership
Audi Partner

What would Martin Luther King JR be if he was white?
Alive.

Why aren’t there any hobos from Indiana?
Because beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

I just heard about the Dunning-Kruger effect
What a crock! I could have written that paper drunk with a couple mates!

I can already see I`ll be sick tomorrow.

What do you get when you cross an early bird and a night owl?
Shut the f up, I only got 2 hours of sleep last night!

One often wishes that time would stand still. And then it happens on a Monday morning in the office.

Why did the blonde start looking for a new job?
Her boss texted they would be closed for good friday.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.

What’s something you can say during sex and at a drive through window?
CAN YA PLEASE PASS THE JELLY?

I accidentally said “Gazuntite” after my crush sneezed.
Now she’s staring at the bushes wondering who said that.