Things better not to say - random entries

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy hares for $10 each...
The villagers, seeing that there were many hares around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching hares again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of hares became so little that it was an effort to even see a hare, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy hares at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; "Look at all these hares in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers beat up the assistant because they had learnt their lesson last time.

Do you know why birds sing in the morning? Because you don't have to go to work!

I heard blind people are kinda like nazis because….
They do not see shit

I was on a plane and I saw one of friends there
I said hi Jack, everybody looked terrified for some reason

After sanctions collapsed the Russian economy, wealthy business magnates were trapped in the ruble.
_ducks and runs_ _sorry not sorry_

The Mother Superior assembles all the nuns
"This morning," she announces, "the gardener found a condom in the rhododendron bushes!" Ninety-nine nuns gasp in horror, one giggles "Tee-hee!" "And it had been used!" the Mother Superior adds. Ninety-nine nuns gasp in horror, one giggles "Tee-hee!" "...And there was a hole in it!" says the Mother Superior. Ninety-nine nuns giggle "Tee-hee!", one gasps in horror.

"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"
- Alissa (24 years old) panics, jumps up from bed, and runs into bathroom - Alfred (25) needs new tires for his car -Lara (27) now has *no* pony-tail - Ben (28) holds his covid-mask to his face in the bus -David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump

(TW! Incoming Dad joke!) My wife sent me to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite…
When I got home, I realized I picked 7UP.

so a 3 year old boys visits his grandparents
The boy though that babies were made like cookies because he thought that skin looks like dough, anyway his grandparents had a cat and the cat dies a while before he comes to visit and when the boy asks where is their cat they tell him that it died and since he thought that living creatures were made like cookies he told them to make another one. This was based on true even from when I was 3

I was on a first date recently and the girl told me she really liked the national emblem of China
I thought, well that’s a red flag.

What do the Midwest, the Middle East, the Middle Kingdom, and Middle Earth have in common?
Too many racists with deadly weapons

It wasn’t easy for the guy who invented the microphone in the beginning.
He got some really bad feedback.

It is striking that people who know everything better never do anything better.