Things better not to say - random entries

A redneck is pulled over by a policeman...
Policeman: Got any ID? Redneck: About what?

I'm so exhausted I could be data volume.

My wife said that sex is way better on holidays
Not the best postcard to get.

I was having an argument about balloons the other day . . .
I may have blew things out if proportion.

A Topologist comes into work covered in coffee.
His colleague says "Oh no! Did you spill your donut?"

2 Guys walk into a bar
Which was pretty dumb seeing that the second guy saw the first guy get hurt

I came out as straight to my parents.
They were so glad I finally stopped slouching.

What can you say to your mom as well as to the girl in your bed
Can I play with my friend now?

Ive stayed in relationships..
Just to avoid doing dishes!

So you are becoming a vegetarian?
That is a big missed steak.

What is the most cop infested city in the United States?
MinneaPOLICE

Wedding Beginnings vs. Endings
As a wedding nears its conclusion, the officiant asks the audience if any among them object to the marriage by asking that they speak now, or forever hold their peace. The lesser known counterpart to this is when, prior to the wedding’s start, the officiant verifies that nobody needs to use the restroom beforehand by asking that they speak now, or forever hold their piss.

What does the bride do at an Italian wedding?
Tries to keep the sauce off her dress and her groom off the sauce.