Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...I went to the doctor and they swabbed my throat and sent to the lab but then decided to not do it…
I’m so tired of “cancel culture.”
A man sits down at the new restaurant town
Server: what would you like to order?
Man: I’ll have the impossible burger please
(A couple minutes later the server comes back with an empty plate)
Man: where’s my burger?
Server: sorry, it was impossible
Why does Jesus Look so sad?
Because he high-fived with both hands and his disciples left him hanging.
I thought my wife was hilarious until we got divorced
Turn out she has always been very serious.
My wife asked me what would I do if she was choking...
I told her I would back up two inches...
Why did the lobster eat his dinner date?
Because he went with the dressed crab
A gay couple had a fight before going to bed
They slept facing each other that night
... at a Date ...My girlfriend asked me to get her tampons at the store…
I told her due to the supply shortage I may have to pull a few strings.
How many emo kids does it take to change in a lightbulb?
None. They just sit in the dark and cry.
The Apple CEO just announced he`s gay. Samsung`s CEO then announced that he`s even gayer AND waterproof.
I used to date a girl with a twin...
People would ask me how I could tell them apart.
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Sylvia would always paint her nails purple
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And Bob had a cock.