Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?
BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.
Why does John the Baptist have more money than Jesus?
Because Jesus saves while John invests!
3 Southern sisters are sitting on a big porch sipping Mint Juleps.
Martha says, “My husband loves me so much, he built me this amazing porch.”
Mary says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bless your heart”
Mary says, “My husband loves me so much, he bought me a beautiful new Cadillac.”
Martha says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bless your heart.”
Mildred says, “My husband loves me so much, he sent me to Switzerland for etiquette lessons.”
Mary says, “Etiquette lessons? Did they work?!”
Mildred says, “Yes they did.
I used to say ‘Fuck You’. Now
I say ‘Bless your heart.’”
Why were the cannibals so excited about going to the Margaritaville resort?
They were looking forward to dining on the ..."Buffet"
What do you call a phantom chicken that moves things around the farm?
A Poultrygeist.
... to Blondes ...What does a blonde say when the water is up to her navel? This is beyond my wits now!
My mom told me that “the world isn’t just black and white”
She still hasn’t coped with me being colorblind.
A man walks a boy into the woods. The boy say he mister it’s getting really dark and im scared
The man replied how do you think I feel I need to walk back alone
Can I get an F in chat for my pet rock?
Had to have Sylvester put down today for killing two birds.
the rowing team got suspended from a race
It was mocking a student who had a stroke