Things better not to say - random entries

My husband calls me a sex object
Everytime he wants sex, I object

What comes after umpteenth?
Time

where do midgets get their education?
A Miniscule

Can we hurry up a little? I have better plans.

I’ve been getting the finger from women for years I’m used to it…
…if they really wanna scare me try giving me a hug.

Most females will not answer FaceTime calls after 9:00pm
Why? because their face has been restored to factory settings.

What did the gardener say to his roommate who always moves his tools around?
“Don’t touch machete”

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “What’s your bloood type?” “I’m a typo O”, said the rabbit.

I once made a small boat out of a large bell.
It was a little dingy

I was out walking and contemplating perspective; why does the car look larger as it gets closer?
Then it hit me.

Why did judge Judy go to school
SHE CRUNCH ON THE KIDS! cruncha muncha

What did Michael Jackson tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her
It’s not you it’s Mee-Hee

What’s Sam Bankman-Fried’s favourite sex position?
Dodgy style