Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What did one hamburger bun say to the other hamburger bun?
Nothing. They had beef between them.
My Lawyer gave me great advice
He always said I should never apologise if it’s not my fault because I could be admitting liability and landed with a big bill.
However his uncle died recently and I sent him a condolence card and my trial starts next week.
Turns out, the lobby that pushed against Roe vs Wade…
Was Proctologists. They‘ll be in serious demand from now on.
Peter Dinklage is so short…
that when he needs to get a blood test done, phlebotomists use mosquitoes.
How is paying for a Hooker the same as buying a sandwich?
Both could’ve been avoided if your wife had just done her job…
Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
Because he wanted to get a long little doggie.
Flat Earth Society, I’ll give one if yous 5£…..
If you fall of the edge and record it
(Then again if this happens in your idea you would probably be killed)
Should of gambled it I’d be a billionaire
A young priest is new to a confregation
And he strikes up a conversation with a young nun. He tells her that on his studies in The Vatican he’s come to understand an important teaching that’s been neglected. Basically, it turns out the kingdom of heaven is sealed with an earthly lock. Luckily, men posses the key and women, the lock itself. These tools are conveniently located between the legs of said men and women.
The naive nun falls for it and they vigorously open that lock. He urges the nun to be quiet about it, it’s hard for folks to understand if it’s not explained carefully.
A few weeks later he tries the same thing on another young nun and it works. Another soul saved!
After a while the two young nuns can’t contain their excitement and reveal their saved status to each other. Unfortunately, the older and more knowledgeable Mother Superior overhears and confronts them about this. They nervously explain the story to head nun who turns red with fury. “That son of a bitch!” she erupts.
“What, Mother? Is something wrong with what Father told us?”
“You’re god damned right there is. He told me that was Gabriel’s horn and I’ve been blowing it for the past month!”