Things better not to say - random entries
... during Sex ...
... Jokes ...A lawyer is driving home one evening
When he spots a man at the side of the road, eating the grass on the verge. He stops and asks the man what he is doing. The man says “I am so poor that my family and I cannot afford food and so we eat grass to survive”. The lawyer is horrified and says “that’s terrible! Look, I’m on my way home; grab your family, you can all eat at my house tonight” The man does as he says and once they are all belted up and on the move, the man, so humbled by such a grand gesture says “this is the kindest thing anyone has ever done. Are you sure your wife and family won’t mind us coming?” “Sure they won’t!” Replies the lawyer, “saves them a job. They haven’t mowed the lawn in weeks!”
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his birthday cake?
He was already stuffed.
Bison from a town in New York love to bully but they only bully their own kind
Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
What does bin Laden have in common with SpongeBob?
Both are found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.
... Sayings ...Why do American soldiers like pizza so much?
Because they both come home in a box.
Someone called me pretentious today.
I nearly choked on my honey-cardamom latte.
If U.S. taxpayers had to pay maternity leave....
The right to abortion would be the first amendment.
I just published my first book on Poltergeists....
Copies were flying off the shelves.....
... during Sports ...I'm doing something for my stomach, legs and butt today! Pancakes with Nutella.
How can you tell if someone went to Norte Dame?
They will tell in the first five minutes of meeting you.