Things better not to say - random entries

whats good about stage 4 cancer?
there is no stage 5

Did you know the dogs tail isn’t actually bone?
It’s grade A wagyu

I told my son that I found his hamster in our vacuum cleaner.
With tears in his eyes he said, "Please get a new one, daddy..." "I was thinking the same," I said, "the suction is absolutely terrible."

Why didn’t Barbie ever get pregnant?
Because Ken came in another box

What do you get if you cross sn elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elefino…

Why is it so hard to understand middle schoolers in the locker room?
Because of their overwhelming axe-sense

Imaginary Friend.
I once had an invisible friend from Japan. My mum said it was just my imagine Asian..

My ex-wife still misses me,
but her aim is getting better

When Sean Connery first learned to talk..
he would pronounce his name like "Sawn." His mother explained, "no dear, the S makes a "SH" sound. And the resht is hishtory.

What do you get when two narcissists are in a room?
Silence

A journalist confronts an abortion doctor
She was looking for an inside scoop.

Alabama-Mom: "Tom, please call your brother and your dad for dinner."
Tom: "Joooohhhhnnnnyyyyyy"

I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist.
To be honest, there were a lot of red flags