Things better not to say - random entries

What was the worst thing anyone has ever said to you? Beer is all!

How do cops pronounce Uvalde?
"No, YOUvalde."

Rang a tantric sex line earlier
I was on hold for ages It was great

Where does Peter Pan like to eat out?
Wendy’s.

Mom, why is the internet so slow?

Either your brother is downloading porn again, or your sister is uploading some...

Why is tower of pisa leaning?
It has better reflexes than twin towers.

I tried to make a Joke about the French army.
Well, I gave up.

Finally, Christmas jumper season is among us!
Looking forward to seeing what everyone has up their sleeves this year!

Why is it Called the Wonderbra?
Because when you take it off, you wonder where the tits went.

Whoever named "skunks" missed out on an opportunity to name them...
"stunks"

A dog and a cat are arguing about who is more important to humans
The dog says: “I’m so important they even named a body part after me, their K9 tooth!” The cat says: “You’re not gonna want to hear this”

Did you hear the joke about the guy with no short term memory?
To get to the other side!

Two statues
There are two statues in the park, 9 feet (3 meters) apart. A handsome young man and a beautiful young woman, staring into each other’s eyes in love, but helpless to move to fulfill their shared desire. One day a benevolent wizard is walking through the park and sees them. Filled with pity he does some wizard stuff and brings them to life. Filled with joy, they jump off their pedestals, rush into each other’s arms, and dash into the shrubbery. There is great squealing in joy, giggling, and thrashing of the bushes. Eventually they emerge from the bushes, hand in hand. The woman smiles at the man. She says “That was great. Now I’ll hold the pigeon and you shit on it’s head.”