Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...jill is going to have a...
mastectomy. JILL had a mastectomy
That’s why there are two fewer tittles in the second sentence
A soldier cam running back into camp after to going to see the prostitutes
A soldier came running into camp after going to see the prostitutes. He was white in the face. His friends asked if he had found a good time. He said that he had not. They asked why. He said that when he’d asked how much the woman charged, she’d said one mark plus the tip. He told his friends that he hadn’t realized they were charging body parts now.
Credits: Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson
Has anyone else noticed this about movie trailers in recent years?
Movie trailers will say a movie is “only in theaters this Thursday” or “Only in theaters June 9th”. Like why only for that day?
... to Blondes ...What does a blonde do when she covers her ears with both hands? She`s trying to keep a thought.
My psychiatrist’s Rorschach ink-blot tests are so stupid.
They’re just pictures of my parents fighting.
I told my Non-Binary friend that I should have hid her better. They corrected me by saying I should have hid THEM better.
I replied, how did you know about the other dead bodies?
Christmas shopping is already done! Got my wife perfume and a dildo.
If she doesn’t like the perfume she can go fuck herself!
Whats the tastiest part of a cheese?
>! The holes !<
>! no its not a sexual joke, the tastiest parts are the holes, the bacteria ate those first !<
What did Mike Tyson say to the Mind Flayers who tried to recruit him on their ship?
I won’t be a part of your illithid activities.
John hired a new secretary...
John hired a new secretary...
She was the most beautiful blonde that John have ever see in his entire life, so he hired her in an 1 min interview.
In the afternoon that the secretary had her first day, John got a call from one of his clients.
Client: John, wtf, why are you sending me the same invoice by fax for 30 times? Did I not pay you on time last month?
John: Yes, you did, but I would not do that to you. Let me check with my fax machine.
John checked the fax machine and it has no problem at all. He then asked the new secretary, "Did you fax this invoice to our client 30 times?"
Secretary: No, boss. The invoice is still here, you are still holding it. The fax machine rejected and returned it to me for 30 times with some weird noise, it was never sent to the client.