Things better not to say - random entries

A man walks into a bar
“ow”

Me: So Doc, are you saying that I can jerk off whenever I want?
Doctor: No John, I said you can have a stroke at anytime.

As one gets older,
litigation replaces sex.

How does Austin Powers like to watch TV?
He has to power on his TV first, yeah baby

As leader of the USSR, Gorbachev was allowed to conduct weddings
He liked to keep them brief: Gorbachev: You want to marry her? Groom: Ya Gorbachev: You want to marry him ? Bride: Ya Gorbachev: Then so be it. He was a master of the So-be-it union

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers

Dentist: “When was the last time you flossed?”
Shaking my head. “Dude, you were there!”

A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods.
The bear glances over at the rabbit and asks "Do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Nope, never been a problem. Just lucky that way, I guess." "Guess so," the bear said, as he picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.

Christmas would be so much nicer if there weren't raisins in everything.

Did you fall from heaven?
Cause your face is all fucked up

how does every racist joke begin?
::looks over both shoulders.::

What do lesbians propose with?
A scissor ring.

Why are women in the Postal service….
When it’s such a mail dominated industry.