Things better not to say - random entries

Did you know that every planet in our solar system is named a god...
Except Earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

i just learned that Darth Vader loved watching silly comedies.
May the farce be with you.

Kissing is the language of love. Come here and speak out!

Why did the young man from Finland get cut off by his parents when he went to school in Germany?
They were mad because he wouldn’t Finnish college.

How do you make a baker cry?
Murder his family.

I wish i always lost in life
Because at least then, i would have lost the sperm race

What do you call a Pirate that pisses on people?
Arrrrrrgh Kelly

Why did the orphan rob a bank?
So that he is guaranteed that he will be wanted afterwards.

What do you call the the Head of the Washington D.C. Financial Ethics Board?
>!They would be the Capitol Capital Principle Principal!<

I saw the quiet kid with some graph paper today
Im pretty sure he was plotting something

NATO can try their best, but Russian technology is on a whole other level
Their computers are so powerful, their memory is measured in kGB

The Spice Girls walked into my smoke shop today.
Me: Hello ladies, what are you looking for today? Vapes? Cigarettes? Spice girls: I wanna really really really wanna cig-ar, cigar.

How can you tell if lesbians built your house?
There are no studs and its all tongue and groove panelling.