Things better not to say - random entries

What do you call a drunk communist?
Hammered and sickled.

Did you hear about the ACDC member trapped in a storm?
They were thunderstuck

Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…
Sudden Lee

What kind of car does a sushi chef drive?
Rolls Rice

Is it kosher to listen to old Kanye still?
Think about it….

Long joke
A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. He gets out of the car and walks over to the rabbit. He picks it up and starts crying, thinking he’s a horrible person. Someone else driving down the highway stops and walks over to him, and asks, “What happened?” The man replies, “I hit this rabbit with my car and now it’s dead!” The other person gets a thoughtful look on their face and goes back to their car. They rummage around in the trunk, and eventually walk back over to the man holding a spray bottle. They spray the rabbit with the bottle, and it comes back to life. It starts hopping away, turning back every few hops to wave at the two people. The man, astounded, turns to the other person and asks, “What was in that bottle?” The other person replies, “It’s hare spray. It revived dead hare and gives it a constant wave.”

What did the cake say to the Redditor?
“You want a piece of me?!” Happy cake day to me!

Three nuns and the Head Priest
Three nuns are talking and the first nun says, “You would never believe what I discovered.” Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. " Last week I found a smartphone in the Head Priest’s room." said the first nun. “Oh that’s nothing. Two weeks ago, I found condoms in one of his drawers,“ said the second one. " And what did you do with them?" asked the first nun. Pridefully the second nun responds with," I poked holes in every single one of them" to which the third nun exclaims, “oh shit!!“

For a gimmick intended to draw customers, the local Innkeeper put up a sign:
“500 gold pieces to anyone who can make my horse laugh. But if ye cannot, ye owe ME 500 gold pieces.” After a couple young fools tried and lost, the legend grew, but few were interested in actually taking the wager. Business boomed as travellers flocked to the inn with hopes of seeing some poor fool attempt the impossible. One day, a short, decrepit old man wandered into the tavern and said he’d like to attempt the challenge. The innkeeper chuckled, knowing that horses don’t actually laugh, and told the old man to have at it. “But, just so you know,” said the innkeeper, “if he doesn’t laugh, you owe ME 500 gold pieces.” The man happily agreed, and the innkeeper and other patrons followed the old-timer outside. The old man moved slowly up to the side of the horse and whispered something in its ear that none but he and the horse could hear. The horse immediately started laughing so hard that it shook the building. The patrons and innkeeper stared in disbelief, but the innkeeper knew he was bested. He paid the man and retired the challenge. Before the tale could spread too far, the Innkeeper introduced a new challenge, this time certain it was impossible for him to lose. Emboldened by his certainty, the innkeeper upped the stakes: “1000 gold pieces to anyone who can make my horse cry. But if ye cannot, ye owe ME 1000 gold pieces.” This time however, barely a week passed, and the old man returned. “I’m here about the challenge.”, He said. Cautious but eager to embarrass the old man who had bested his previous challenge (and taken his coin), the innkeeper agreed to let the man attempt his challenge. The old man walked out to the horse, innkeeper and patrons following closely behind. Standing directly in front of the horse the old man promptly dropped his trousers. And the horse burst into tears. “What the hell is going on?!!”, shouted the irate innkeeper to the back of the old man, furious at both having been bested again, and the old man’s exposing of himself. “Simple”, said the old man, turning his neck to look back at the crowd. “Last week, I told yer horse my cock was bigger than his. And now, I’ve shown him!”

Why do priests always go for little boys ?
Because they cant get nun Rofl

Due to budget constraints …
The American space agency has been forced to find a private investor to continue its efforts. After several failed partnership offers, government functionaries announced a merger with a prominent baking company. In a press conference, one reporter asked if the new company would be forced to delay planned extra-orbital missions. The spokesperson replied… “No, not NASA-Sara Lee”

Do you think we might have a mutual friend who could introduce us?

Why did Mr. Miyagi kick Daniel out after he hit puberty?
He caught him wax on, wacks off