Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Iraqi Player plays for Detroit Lions
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, “I got to have this guy. He’s got the best arm I’ve ever seen!”
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
“Mother,” he yells over the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!”
“Don’t talk to me,” the woman says. “You abandoned us. You can’t be my son.”
The young Iraqi begs, “Mom, you don’t understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!”
“I don’t care,” his mother snaps. “Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped.”
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
Banker And Lawyer..
If a banker and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What did Princess Leia say to Han Solo on their wedding night?
Into the garbage chute, flyboy!
What do you call it when two different groups of city birds try to communicate with each other?
A pigeon pidgin
... to your Boyfriend ...Guy gets pulled over by the cops.
Cop: It seems you have been drinking.
Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".
Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."
Most females will not answer FaceTime calls after 9:00pm
Why?
because their face has been restored to factory settings.
Another Blonde Joke
A man walks into a restaurant and asks the waitress “Hey! Wanna hear some blonde jokes?”
The waitress says “Okay, but I should warn you. I’m a blonde, the woman sitting two tables down from you is a blonde policewoman, and the woman sitting across from you is a blonde wrestler.”
The man thinks for a moment, then says “Well, never mind then. I don’t want to have to explain them three times.”
I wanted to tell a Chemistry joke…,
however thought that i wouldnt get a reaction…
It was supposed to be a Sodium joke, but Na.
Someone called me pretentious today.
I nearly choked on my honey-cardamom latte.
When does a prostitution ring become a brothel?
When they get whore-ganized
TIL that the Credito Emiliano bank in Italy accepts wheels of Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese as collateral for loans.
Loan rates these days really do cost a parm and a reg.