Things better not to say - random entries
... at Facebook ...
... Jokes ...Did you hear about the winged insect from America that evolved to be compatible with computers?
It was a US Bee
... during Sports ...That moment when you jog past other people and breathe extra quietly.
What did Michael Jackson say when he watched Revenge of the Sith and saw Anakin getting burned at Mustafar?
"Ani, are you okay?"
I wonder how many people will bury their loved ones in glass coffins this year.
Well...remains to be seen.
I’m pretty sure my local corner shop is a money laundering front.
I’ve been in there about 1000 times and not once have I seen a corner for sale.
Some cockroaches turn white after not being in the sun for most of their life
I was pretty surprised to learn that some cockroaches play fortnite
A rabbit walks into a pharmacy
“Carrots, have you got carrots?”, he asks.
The pharmacist replies: “No, this is a pharmacy. If you want carrots you should check out the grocery store.”
On the next day the rabbit comes back and asks: “Carrots, have you got carrots?”
The pharmacist replies: “No, I told you yesterday, this is a pharmacy. You can get carrots at the grocery store.”
On the next day the rabbit comes back again and asks: “Carrots, have you got carrots?”
The pharmacist loses it. He beats the shit out of the rabbit. The rabbit crawls out of the pharmacy leaving his teeth behind on the floor.
A few days later the rabbit comes back and ask: “Carrot juithe, have you got carrot juithe?”
(It’s funnier in Turkish and when you hear it. Reading the lisp is not as funny as hearing it)
Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet?
Because the others are Not-Cs
I am a colour blind film fanatic.
My favourite film is Clockwork Violet.
One day, a six foot tall, 225 lb man….
One day, a six foot tall, 225 lb man wearing dark khaki pants, a sky-blue twill dress shirt, a pair of Addidas tennis shoes and a baseball-style cap, and carrying a box of first edition copies of Dianetics by L Ron Hubbard, all unsigned by the author, along with a number of jars of recently cured deer meat collected in a tote bag slung across his left shoulder, all while listening to Depeche Mode’s first album - Speak & Spell - walked into a bar.
“That’s okay,” said another six foot tall, 225 lb man wearing dark khaki pants, a sky-blue twill dress shirt, a pair of Addidas tennis shoes, and a baseball-style cap, and carrying a box of first edition copies of Dianetics by L Ron Hubbard, all unsigned by the author, along with a number of jars of recently cured deer meat collected in a tote bag slung across his left shoulder, all while listening to Depeche Mode’s first album, “I didn’t see it either.”
Soon after, a six foot tall, 225 lb dog wearing dark khaki pants, a sky-blue twill dress shirt, a pair of Addidas tennis shoes, and a baseball-style cap, and carrying a box of first edition copies of Dianetics by L Ron Hubbard, all unsigned by the author, along with a number of jars of recently cured deer meat collected in a tote bag slung across his left shoulder, all while listening to Depeche Mode’s first album - Speak & Spell - walked into a bar, sat down at a stool and ordered a rusty nail.
The bartender said, “That’s amazing! You should go down to the circus! They’d love to hire you.”
“How come,” asked the six foot tall, 225 lb dog wearing dark khaki pants, a sky-blue twill dress shirt, a pair of Addidas tennis shoes, and a baseball-style cap, and carrying a box of first edition copies of Dianetics by L Ron Hubbard, all unsigned by the author, along with a number of jars of recently cured deer meat collected in a tote bag slung across his left shoulder, all while listening to Depeche Mode’s first album - Speak & Spell. “Do they need an accountant?”