Things better not to say - random entries

I just did a cock comparison with my best friend
unfortunately we both lost.

When I was young, I decided to go to medical school…
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange the letters: P N E I S to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.

The game is called Counter-Strike. Looked through the images.
No counters to strike.

Why do blondes never call the police in an emergency? Because they can`t find the 11 on any key.

Where does a chicken get their glasses?
HensCrafters.

Life changing money is useless
I’m looking for some of that WIFE changing money

What do you call a pumpkin carved before Halloween?
A pre-ejack o’lantern

Why did the cop shoot a ginger?
Because he was dyslexic.

Why does Spiderman wear a mask?
To hide the P.P.

I saw a Battle Droid push a foul-mouthed clone trooper off a cliff....
...he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

What did Helen Keller name her dog?
Daiiiiiiiieeeeeeeiiiaaaaaaaa

What does Forrest Gump have his email password set as?
1Forrest1

The keys for men to find happiness in a relationship are as follows
Find a woman that understands your flaws, a woman that loves you, a woman that has a great sense of humour and make sure those three women don’t find out about each other.