Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A Soviet joke
A group of friends stays in a hotel in Soviet Russia. One of them ended up in a separate room and is trying to fall asleep. His friends, however, are loudly talking and telling each other political jokes in the next room. So he decides to prank them a bit. Calls downstairs, orders some coffee to their room and knocks on the door. Then goes: guys, are you crazy telling all these political jokes??? KGB is listening! They are laughing, making fun of his fears. Ok, he goes, let me show you! So he picks up an ashtray and speaks into it: “Major, can you please order some coffee to our room?” A minute later the coffee he ordered previously is delivered…
Silence in the room, now terrified friends immediately go to sleep. He goes to his room and, after a good laugh, happily falls asleep.
The next morning he goes to their room to tell them it was all a joke… but nobody’s there! He goes downstairs to make an inquiry and a lady replies:
- Unfortunately, KGB officers took them away at night…
He’s in shock, then regains his composure and suspiciously asks:
- Wait a minute, if that’s the case, why didn’t they take me?!
-Apparently the major loved your prank!
I just saw two hotdogs and a burger stumble out of a club, blind drunk and blazed on coke and weed. I was disgusted...
I hate to see food wasted like that. Frugal upbringing.
... during Sex ...Do you smell like that or is the mattress with rotten potatoes
filled?
I got six minors on my driving test.
I accidentally reversed into a school playground.
What do you call a caveman who wanders from place to place?
A meanderthal.
A three legged dog walks into a bar
He looks around and says “I’m looking for the man who shot my Pa(w).
Before moving to England I spent some time in Poland...
It definitely helped me polish my English.
What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
Ones a little lighter.
I put googly eyes on every picture of someone I see
That might be why I got kicked out of that funeral...