Things better not to say - random entries

If you were 1 when Red Red Wine was released
UB40

Are you coming to the gym tomorrow? No, my squirrel is sick! Are you kidding me?! Well who started it?

how to play with a ball?
How to play with a ball in 3 simple levels: 1. Find a ball 2. Tell him "i love you" 3. Throw him away, and go play with another ball.

Where do chimps go for a night out?
The monkey bars....

A tennis player will always break your heart.
To them, love means nothing.

Why did Captain Hook cross the street?
To get to the second hand store.

You know... I love you, but I`m not in love with you...

What do you call a Muslim eating ice cream?
Allah mode

Why did the carpenter switch career fields?
He had truss issues.

I just sports car being driven by a sheep wearing a swimsuit.
I think it was a lamb bikini

My wife still thinks I’m sexy…
Whenever I walk by her she says, “what an ass!”

Why did the broke ass American go to the Teddy Bear Church?
He heard he had the right to bear alms.

All of the toilets were stolen from the police station.
Detectives have nothing to go on.