Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Two software developers
So, there were two friends who had worked together as software developers for a long time. One day, one of them died of a heart attack. The night after the funeral, the remaining guy had a dream in which his dead friend told him that he had two pieces of news - one good and one bad. The good news was that he was in heaven, where software developers were treated very well. They had a great workplace where the job was never boring, the tools were state-of-the-art, the bugs were easy to spot and fix, and the company took really great care of its employees.
"So, what is the bad news?" asked the other.
"Starting from the next sprint, we are assigned to the same project"
Billy Ray Cyrus goes to the barber.
The barber asks “what’s it gonna be?”
Cyrus replies “I don’t know yet. Let me mull it over.”
Clothing optional
I went in for my prostate exam last week. The doctor told me to take off my pants. I asked him where I should put them. “Right there next to mine” was not the answer I wanted to hear.
I always explain things so the stupidest person in the room can understand
But for some reason I always end up talking to myself.
What’s something long and hard that every Polish woman receives on the night of her wedding?
A new last name!
Blonde Orders Hot and Spicy Soup
Blonde walks into a restaurant and tells the waiter he wants to order a spicy chicken noodle soup. Minutes later the waiter returns with hot and spicy chicken soup. Blonde sips the soup and quivers complaining the soup is way too hot and spicy and wanted to return it. The waiter takes the soup back and returns with another bowl. Blonde sips the soup and complains it’s still too hot and spicy and sends it back. The waiter shakes his head asks another waiter to deal with the blonde customer and explained to him the problem . The second waiter then approaches the blonde customer and whispers to his ear. The blonde quietly sips the soup and gives the 2nd waiter a thumbs up. The 1st waiter asks how he made the customer sip the soup. The waiter says “easy I just told him that the soup is not hot and spicy once it’s in the stomach”.
... Sayings ...Eat what is ready, drink what is clear, speak what is true. - Martin Luther
What is the difference between Biology & Sociology ?
If a newly born baby looks like his father, it is Biology but if he looks like the neighbor that’s Sociology.
... to your Girlfriend ...Girlfriend: "But you smell good today!"
Friend: "Residual alcohol!"
I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me.
When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.