Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.
One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.
The left half, more prone to rational thought, spent most of its time in libraries, and got an accounting gig. The right half, more creative, picked up painting, and taught pottery at the local community college.
On top of the spectacle of a man split in half, the townsfolk could not believe how rarely they saw both halves of Don at the same place. Indeed, nobody could think of even one occurrence of this happening.
Now one day, half a man walks into a bar. The left half of Don, always punctual, walked into the local watering hole at precisely 8:00, and ordered a shot of whisky, which the bartender poured for him.
At 8:01, the right half of Don wandered in, sat down, asked for a beer, and nodded to his other half, which nodded back. As the bartender poured him the beer, the left half of Don took his shot, left just enough to cover the bill, and left at precisely 8:02.
The bartender was astounded-- he was the first person to see the two halves interact since the accident. As it dawned on him how rare this was, the bartender exclaimed, a little louder than he wanted to, "Whole Don here for just one minute!"
How do you spot the new guy at a nude beach?
Is super easy. You can see him coming a mile away.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people.
But sadly none of them work
... Sayings ...Everyone has to believe in something. I think I`ll have another one!
A rich man and a poor man were waiting to cross the street.
It was Christmas time and the poor man asked the rich man what he got his wife for Christmas.
The rich man told him he got her a new car, a diamond necklace and trip to Fiji.
He then asks the poor man what he got his wife.
He said “I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo.”
The rich man asks “why a dildo?”
Poor man replies “because if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go fuck herself.”
A woman was rushed to the hospital after stuffing 30 toy horses up her ass...
Her condition is stable.
Remember to set your clocks back this weekend.
And on November 8th, try not to set your country back 50 years.
To increase foreign currency reserves, the Government of China is offering a limited-time double exchange rate offer.
Buy Yuan get Yuan free.
Why did they cancel the straight to DVD documentary "River"?
Because you can just stream it now.
What do Zoologists and Chess players both get excited over?
Mating patterns