Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Why do astronauts use Linux?
Because it’s dangerous to open windows in space.
Black guy comes to a doctor with a frog growing out of his forehead
Doctor asks confussed, how the hell did this happen? And the frog says: "first, there was only a black dot"
Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats.
They stand at the bar drinking and talking about current cattle prices. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the cowboys looks at her and says, “Kin ya swaller?” The woman shakes her head, no. “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.
The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and runs his tongue all over her butt cheeks in a circular motion. The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the cowboy walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.
His partner says, “Ya know, I’d heard of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver,’ but I ain’t never seen nobody do it.
One day god thought “damn those Estonians don’t give a fuck about anything”
So the next day he goes down there and says “tommorow youre all gonna be hanged. Any questions?”
One estonian raises his hand and asks: “will the rope be provided or do we have to bring our own?”
What did the 12 year old hillbilly girl say when she lost her virginity?
Get off me Dad, you’re crushing my smokes.
Boss, I have good news and bad news
Whats the bad news?
Im retiring today
Whats the good news?
Im retiring today
Did you hear about the actor who fell through a floorboard?
He was just going through a stage
... at a Date ...I visited a psychic the other day and stole her crystal ball
She should’ve seen it coming…
Abed the Blind Lawyer in Egypt
Abed the blind lawyer was on a business trip with his assistant, John, in Egypt.
During their trip, they decided to go on a river cruise.
While lounging on the sun deck, the two ended up arguing about an upcoming trial.
“Look Abed,” John said, “You’re in denial. The fact is, you can’t win this one.”
Abed frustratedly replied, “Don’t say that, John. I can handle this, you just can’t see it! I’ve got this one in the bag!”
Abed was tired of talking business, so he decided to take a dive in the ship’s pool.
While walking to the pool, he slipped and fell into the water.
John shouted, “Abed, you fell into the river!”
Abed calmly replied, “No, my friend, I only fell into the pool.”
John shouted again, “Abed no! You are in the Nile!”
Abed yelled at John, “Really?! You want to keep talking about the trial now?!”
... at School ...Watch ProSieben daily and learn during the commercial break. In this way, you get up to 9 hours of learning time per day. Sad but true.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to commit suicide?
She closed her garage door
and sat in her Tesla
while she left it running