Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What is the difference between urine and Reaganomics?
The urine actually trickles down to the bottom.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
‘Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant;
in India they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant;
in Europe they didn’t know what ‘shortage’ meant;
in China they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant;
in the Middle East they didn’t know what ‘solution’ meant;
in South America they didn’t know what ‘please’ meant;
in the USA they didn’t know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant.
... during Sex ...What do you get when you cross a Jew with a Roman?
Your lord and savior....
Nailed it.
Sex isn`t everything in life, but in a life without sex everything is kind of stupid.
I like women
I went to my doctor today.
His idea of foreplay is to ask "have i checked your prostate recently?"
So this guy walks into a church...
So this guy walks into a church. He goes up to the priest and says: “Look, I’m struggling a lot lately, trying to understand the universe, and our place in existence and all that. None of the stories I’ve heard satisfy me. Can you just tell me honestly – where did this world come from?”
The priest looks at him for a moment and replies: “So you really want to know how this world came to be? You want to hear the real creation story?”
“Yes I do!” the man pleads.
“OK…” The priest pauses then in a solemn reverential tone he begins:
*“In the beginning, God said:…”*
“What did God say?” the man asks. Another pause, then the priest continues:
*“‘So this guy walks into a church…’”*
My wife said she wants to break up with me
I asked her “Why?!?”
Wife: “You keep making stupid Transformers jokes…”
Me: “Please don’t leave, I can change!”