Things better not to say - random entries

Boy to farmer
"Mr. Famer, why do you call your Pig INK?" Mr Farmer says "because I keep him in a pen."

All this neopronouns stuff is cool and all...
I just can’t find a guide on how to pronouns them.

What do a Christmas tree and an old man have in common?
The wood is dead, and the balls are just for decoration.

During my army training, I had to get over a wall...
So I got drunk and slept with its friend.

What color hair did Rapunzel have? Of course she was blonde - a brunette would have just opened the door.

It turns out Neutrinos are Catholic.
They have mass.

Sometimes I feel like a failure, then
then I met you. Now, I am happy.

Met a hippy girl tonight and she asked me what my sign was
I told her this was a sign and I got the hell out of there

Babies
There’s a woman in America having a baby every 27 seconds…My god, someone has to stop her!

Stone.
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral. As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.” “I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Tell me, how much did it really cost?” “All of it,” said Rose. “Fifty thousand.” “No!” Sadie exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but really… $50,000?!” Rose nodded. “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church for the priest’s services. The food and drinks were another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone.” Sadie computed quickly. “$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is it?” “Seven and a half carats"

My friend had the weed and I had the papers so we combined our resources.
It was a joint effort. Happy 4/20 for those who celebrate.

Vaccines and autism
A lot of scientists are on the autism spectrum. In any case a significantly larger percentage than in the general population. Scientists create vaccines. Therefore autism causes vaccines. They almost had it right.

Why do people say that Jesus was a Jew?
Because otherwise he would just be sus