Things better not to say - random entries

My friend was killed by a landmine in Iraq
He will be mist

My dad had to give up his driver`s license - now he`s "The Walking Dad"

Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open. * * Why was the computer hot? It left its Chrome tabs open.

Oh man, I somehow always catch girls/boys like you on my dates...

What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question...
... with a joke?

Why are men so relaxed after sex?
They’ve completely run out of fucks to give

Few funny jokes
Do you know what website Amazonian warriors use to shop online? Amazon. Do you know what website genies use to shop online? Wish And do you know how violins played a home called? Domestic violins.

why did the banana go to a doctor?
Because it was not "peeling " well.

Did you know? Playing reggaeton muisic will help you plants grow faster
Though surprisingly they grow towards the off button of your stereo

What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!

Why did Simba’s dad die?
Because >!he couldn’t Mufasa than the stampede. !<

A Deez Nuts Joke
In order to execute this joke properly, you must be in person with the victim and wearing pants manufactured with pockets. Take the victim to a grocery store (or any other place that sells nuts). Walk towards the snack section with the victim and slow down as you approach the nuts section. Turn to the victim and look them dead in the eyes. Nonchalantly place one hand in your pocket, and grab a container of nuts (cashews, almonds, peanuts) with the other. Then ask the question "What kind of nuts am I holding?". If they say Cashews then answer with "Nope Deez Nuts!" and reveal the placement of your other hand. If they see your other hand and say "your nuts" then say "Nope Cashews!". This is a joke that the teller will always win.

What is a non-bonding cat called?
Cation.