Things better not to say - random entries

At some point everyone finds their own lid. Until then, there`s cling film.

What TV show did US House of Representatives watch recently?
Kevin Can Wait

Why did the dwarf laugh while running?
The grass tickled his balls.

A new girlfriend asked me "How did you manage to stay single for so long?"
Single Handedly

Nobody clapped again when I came into the office. This continued lack of recognition is killing me.

A block of cheese...
is just a loaf of milk.

What would Martin Luther King JR be if he was white?
Alive.

What did one Mexican cannibal say to the other Mexican cannibal?
Bet you can’t eat just Juan!

Be different from the others: Say `Yes`!

What was the original name for a trampoline?
It was called a jumpoline until your mom used it.

Did you hear about the bakery that burned down?
That business is toast now.

I’ve been carrying a gun with me every since an attempted robbery a few years ago
Since then my robberies have been very successful!

What did the career counselor say to the midget prostitute?
"You have many other talents, I think you’re selling yourself short here."