Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing’.
It was an unexpected Journey.
... to Pensioner ...You know Grandpa, I don`t understand today`s youth with their shooting games. At least you were still allowed to shoot people in the fresh air.
A man goes to a psychiatrist with a banana sticking half way out of his ear
Obviously, the first thing the psychiatrist asks is, “What’s with the banana in your ear?”
“Well,” the man replies, “I am petrified of rhinoceros and I believe that this keeps them away.”
“But sir,” the psychiatrist replies, “there’s not a rhinoceros for around for thousands of miles!”
“Exactly!” The man replies, gesturing at the banana.
A blind dude walks into a bar...
into a waitress... into a table... into a chair...
Ant statues
Jim was a sculptor; one day he wanted to prove his skills and decided to enter competitions. He found one where a millionaire has asked people to build a statue of an ant with two conditions: the ant should have toes and it should be as tall as possible. Jim spent some time planning, creating prototypes and eventually narrowed it down to two entries when suddenly the millionaire has bankrupted. The millionaire was left with just a dairy farm, so the reward for winning the competition was changed to a lifetime supply of milk from that place. Hearing that, Jim decided to participate with the smaller of his two statues of ants with toes.
— That will lower your chances to win, why on earth would you do that? - asked his friend.
— I just realised it. I… - Jim hesitated - …lack toes in taller ant.
My blonde wife was late to the party.
But, she explained that she had to wait for a train at the crossing. The sign said watch for trains and she said she had to wait 40 minutes before she saw one.
There is a fine line between the denominator and the numerator
Only a fraction of people will find this funny
... Sayings ...What would you call Mike Tyson if he was a villain in Star Wars?
A Tit Lord