Hush

Things better not to say - random entries

... Jokes ...

I went to the doctor and they swabbed my throat and sent to the lab but then decided to not do it…
I’m so tired of “cancel culture.”

... Jokes ...

A man sits down at the new restaurant town
Server: what would you like to order? Man: I’ll have the impossible burger please (A couple minutes later the server comes back with an empty plate) Man: where’s my burger? Server: sorry, it was impossible

... Jokes ...

Why does Jesus Look so sad?
Because he high-fived with both hands and his disciples left him hanging.

... Jokes ...

If you like Vampire Weekend...
You should thank vampire unions.

... Jokes ...

I thought my wife was hilarious until we got divorced
Turn out she has always been very serious.

... Jokes ...

My wife asked me what would I do if she was choking...
I told her I would back up two inches...

... Jokes ...

Why did the lobster eat his dinner date?
Because he went with the dressed crab

... Jokes ...

A gay couple had a fight before going to bed
They slept facing each other that night

... at a Date ...

I`m new in town, can you show me the way to your home?

... Jokes ...

My girlfriend asked me to get her tampons at the store…
I told her due to the supply shortage I may have to pull a few strings.

... Jokes ...

How many emo kids does it take to change in a lightbulb?
None. They just sit in the dark and cry.

... to a iPhone owner ...

The Apple CEO just announced he`s gay. Samsung`s CEO then announced that he`s even gayer AND waterproof.

... Jokes ...

I used to date a girl with a twin...
People would ask me how I could tell them apart. ​ Sylvia would always paint her nails purple ​ And Bob had a cock.