Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A man was roaming through a desert...
A man, separated from a group of cattle drivers after over-sleeping one morning, found himself navigating a stretch of desert alone. He entered a sandy canyon area, attempting to follow the tracks of his party around barren rock formations. He was certain he would catch up to them within a day. After the first night, he awoke to the horror that a particularly windy night had erased all traces of the large group’s movement from the sand. He continued walking in the direction he believed they were heading in, sure that they were perhaps a half a day ahead. Another day passed, and as night fell, he realized his water was nearly empty. To make matters worse, the following morning, he awoke to find his pack mule had abandoned him in the night. With the blazing desert sun beating down upon him, his skin had turned red and had begun to peel. Afraid he might die without water and shade, he gave up on finding the cattle drive and instead searched for a creek. He found a dried creek bed, but aside from the chaparral, no trees remained, nor signs of life stirred, and there was no water to be found.
He attempted to follow the dried creek bed in hopes he would eventually find water. After a day, he was becoming delirious with dehydration and heat, and had started imagining small encampments, outposts, and wells across the landscape. Each time he pursued one of these mirages, it would evaporate just as he stumbled within arms reach of the vision. The man began to grow exhausted, removing his shirt to use as a hat in the relentless summer heat. Somewhere he removed his shoes, his feet sore and aching, leaving his feet to be further cut and blistered from the hot and rough desert landscape.
Just as the man felt he would perish, on his 4rd day of being separated from the group, he saw what appeared to be another mirage. Although he was certain it would disappear like the others, as he entered the area, he realized a wooden paddock fence was real, as was an old outbuilding. This was certainly someone’s home, and he knew water could not be far off. By the time he saw the house several yards away, he was crawling. No longer able to walk, he dragged himself on hands and knees towards the wooden porch of a modest dwelling. As he made his way up the porch, his legs gave out completely, making a loud thud. He continued to drag his body up the steps with his sheer determination.
The sound of the man’s desperate attempt to ascend the steps roused the old cowboy that was taking a nap inside the cabin. Grabbing his shotgun, he cautiously opened the front door. He saw the man crumpled on the stoop, blistered and dirty, now vaguely propped against a post on the porch.
“Who’s there? Who are you?” Said the old cowboy.
The man, now sure he was close to having a life-saving drink of water, could muster little strength to speak.
“Parched,” he said, pointing weakly at his throat.
“WHO ARE YOU?” said the cowboy, his shotgun barrel pointing towards the floor.
The man, who mouth was cracked, his tongue desiccated and swollen, could only utter
“Need.. Water,” he said.
The old cowboy eyed the man, then set his shotgun up against his shoulder. He turned to go into the cabin. As he closed the door behind him, he looked back over his shoulder towards the man and shook his head.
“I’m sorry mister, but I never trust a man with two thirst names..”
In desperate need of some ball jokes
I believe this is the right place to ask
What do you call a person with a sexual attraction to bicycles?
A pedal-phile.
For sale: Encyclopedia Brittanica - full 35-volume edition - $500 OBRO
Excellent condition, but no longer needed since I got married last week.
What do you call a threat of violence posted on a bulletin board?
Under a tack.
... at Office ...RE: RE: RE: Answer: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: Reasons why we don't work efficiently.
I am so mad.
I had 2 WNBA tickets in my car.
Somebody broke into my car last night and I have 4 WNBA tickets now.