Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...So I broke up with my handicapped girlfriend and stole her wheelchair..
But guess who came crawling back!!?!
What do you call a hen that counts her own eggs?
A Mathmachicken.
My kid told me that and it made me chuckle.
Waiter: How would you like your steak sir?
Me: like winning an argument with my wife
Waiter: good choice, rare it is.
... at Court ...All world leaders should be women!
Instead of going to war, they would just stop talking to each other.
The cows that my friend owned were killed off by a sandstorm
It was an udder disaster
Two men are watching a dog lick it’s balls…
One guy says to his buddy “Man, I wish I could do that.”
The other guy says “I don’t know man, I think he’ll bite you.”
Every standup comedian should use a Bluetooth microphone
Yes, I know it from my own experience.
Recently I had to rush to the restroom during my set. If I was using a Bluetooth microphone, I could keep telling my shitty jokes in the restroom.
... to your Friends ...My girlfriend always says size doesn`t matter... but I still wish she didn`t have a penis.
I know milk makes you beautiful, but how much did you drink as a kid?