Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Whats the easiest way to burn calories?
Letting your food cook on the grill for too long
I have to ask you, do you consider yourself smart?
You see, the ancient Greeks believed that those who were barbaric and unintelligent were cursed with a massive schlong, because that way the blood wouldn’t get to their head. They also believed that small penises were evidence of great intelligence.
So I ask you, do you consider yourself smart?
As for me I will tell you, I am completely average and have a medium dick. It can talk to ghosts.
How does someone with gender neutral pronouns win in a battle?
They/them
My friends told me jokes are supposed to have a punchline
Stay tuned for more jokes, if you enjoyed this one
The Lizard and the Ape
One day, Mr Lizard is walking through the jungle and sees Mr Ape sitting in a tree. He waddles over to the tree and looks up and says “Hi Mr Ape, how are you doing today?”
Mr Ape smiles and says “Oh hey man, I’m just chilling here smoking some weed. Why don’t you come up and join me?”
Mr Lizard scuttles up the tree and has a few puffs with Mr Ape. After a while, Mr Lizard says “Hey dude, this is great, but I’m really thirsty now!”
Mr Ape replies “Oh the river is just over there, go have a sip.”
Mr Lizard climbs down the tree and heads over to the river. When he arrives, he sees Mr Crocodile who looks up and says “Morning Mr Lizard, what’s up with you?”
“Oh hey Mr Crocodile, I’ve been smoking some weed with Mr Ape and now I’m really thirsty!”
Mr Crocodile smiles and asks “Where is Mr Ape now?”
“Oh he’s just in that tree over there through the bushes, you should go and say hello.”
Mr Crocodile climbs out the river and walks over to the tree. He looks up at Mr Ape and says “Hey Mr Ape, what’s up?”
Mr Ape looks down in shock and horror “Holy shit dude, how much water did you drink?!”
... at a Date ...I got a clinical thermometer tattooed on my penis, should I take your temperature?
Can we stop this crazy pitchfork pursuit on furries just for a few minutes?
Seriously, my pitchfork is all dull and dirty and I need some time to repair it.
A blonde, a brunette and a red head are driving in a truck.
On one cold icy day a blonde, brunette and a red head decide to take a drive.
The brunette as the best driver in icy conditions decides to drive. The brunette decides to ride passenger because she keeps the best eye out. The blonde decides to ride in the bed of the truck because she’s dressed for the weather.
As they’re coming over a bridge they decide to roll their windows down and look at the water that has yet to ice completely over. Suddenly in a moment of distraction the brunette loses control and they drive off the bridge.
After a minute the brunette pops up out of the water and climbs up onto the bridge to look for her friends. As she’s climbing up the red head pops up out of the water and climbs to the top of the bridge. Thankfully since they rolled their windows down they escaped easily and were able to swim up.
They both wait patiently for what seems like way too long for someone to be able to breathe underwater and assume the worst of their blonde friend.
Finally, the blonde pops up gasping for breath. When she gets atop the bridge to join her friends they ask her what took so long.
The blonde says, “Well, I couldn’t get the tailgate open.”
Do you know that there are many men who try to hit on a girl with some kind of spell? I`m completely different!
Why was the biologist watching porn?
He was studying different hormones.