Things better not to say - random entries

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion.

Jesus opened a brewery. Do you know what he called it??
HeBrew

I was arrested for doing donuts in a parking lot.
Turns out that fucking pastries in public is illegal.

What has 50 legs but can’t walk?
25 disabled people

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 1080p?
. . . HDMI

Nerd Alert: Graffiti Found in the Science Building of a University
"Heisenberg may have been here, but not with Pauli."

Worst Kind of OCD?
My OCD is so bad that when I undress women with my eyes, I have to sit down and fold their clothes.

So I arranged a threesome last weekend
obviously there were 2 no shows, but we still had a good time.

Why was Jesus crucified instead of stoned to death?
Because its easier to sign the cross than to pound yourself all over

My wife and I are a temperamental couple…
I’ve got a temper and she’s mental.

Why Jesus failed at English?
He said A-Men

2022 World Cup has been a bit untidy...
What a **messy** tournament... ​ (Sorry, I naturally tend to very basic and silly jokes lol)

What did one peanut say to the other peanut during sex?
Ugh, Imma legume!