Things better not to say - random entries

There are only two genders...
Men & Mistakes.

how does bin laden like his donuts?
Plane

I can’t watch pro sports drafts anymore…
Because I’m 26 so I can’t bear to watch people 4 to 8 years younger than me surpass me in pretty much every area in life besides maybe intelligence, and intelligence is gay

Anyone know of a cure for sex addiction?
I’ve tried fucking everything

Why did Trump take documents about classified nuclear programs to Mar-a-Lago?
He was just Putin them somewhere safe.

I asked siri why i am single.
Then it turned the front camera on

Soooo
Someone needs to lower gas prices. I’m not made for onlyfans….

Life is too short to drink bad wine!

why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?
Because everything is inbread

Not to say that giving my girlfriend free reign over the thermostat is a bad thing…
… but two hobbits just showed up to throw a ring in our bedroom.

My wife and I have an open relationship
Found out last night

The Tate Brothers are on a flight to Romania
Tristan leans over to take and asks what he is reading. Andrew replies "one about the raw sigma energy that you and I express" Tristan looks at Andrew "maybe you should give that Bucharest"

Student life in 4 words
Quit, don’t quit, quit, NOODLES