Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...why dont eggs tell jokes
because they crack each other up when they do
I used to love building sandcastles with my granny...
...but my parents thought it was creepy so they glued the urn shut.
I have no sex appeal; if my wife didn’t toss and turn,
we’d never have had the kid.
What’s the difference between a bunch of kelp and a bunch of stoners?
One’s seaweed, the others smoke weed.
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
I was like, well damn.
There’s a woman selling batteries in the park.
She sells C cells by the seesaw.
The ultimate dirty dad joke...
I am the most stoned I have ever been right now. IN this moment...i am gone.
I am also probably suffering from a male yeast infection. I have never had one and it sucks. I am sitting there and then all of the sudden it came to me...
Me to my partner. "You know, with this yeast infection, I guess you can say...you make my bread rise"
I then literally yelled "LETS GOOOOO" because I felt the joke land
i just learned that Darth Vader loved watching silly comedies.
May the farce be with you.
... to your Friends ...Why - WHY the hell are we not clearing this up in a minute on the phone but in a 9 hour WhatsApp message battle?!
Why did the stick of dynamite post on Reddit?
Because it wanted to see something blow up.
... at School ...