Things better not to say - random entries
What does the Australian Chess Grandmaster call his opponent from Prague?
Czech mate
The shopping mall has a piano with a sign saying “feel free to tinkle on our ivories.”
So I pissed all over the keyboard.
“What do you call a line for a Vietnamese restaurant in London?”
“Pho queue.”
“Well, fuck you too!”
It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 30 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
A statistics joke...
Three statisticians go deer hunting with bows. They see a giant buck in the woods. Statistician #1 fires his arrow--it goes 10 yards to the left. Statistician #2 fires his arrow--it goes 10 yards to the right. Statistician #3 throws down his bow and yells, "We got it!"
What did the wife say to the husband when they were arguing during dinner?
"I have a lot on my plate right now"
"Is your work actually difficult?" an official is asked.
"No," he admits, "but it`s a disruptive factor between cures, follow-up cures, holidays, public holidays, weekends, company outings..."
One Karen Said: GET OUT OF MY YARD
I said my yard my property
(its a dad joke)
My landlord wants to talk to me about why my heating bill is so high.
I told him my door is always open.
Through Ice Age I learned that you can break the ice
by hitting with your acorn
I wonder how short shorts feel about being called short..
I bet they feel minimized