Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...My grandmother walked in on me masturbating
I told her “Grandma, please stop masturbating!”
Breaking Down.
What do you cal Heisenberg with split personality disorder?
Walter Egos!
I’m sorry…
Have you heard about the dyslexic spy who got caught with a suitcase nuke in the post office?
Fission mailed!
How many boomers does it take to tell you they didn’t need to worry about sunscreen, plastics and lead when *they* were young?
Hopefully just one because the rest are busy with their friends’ funerals.
What do bent lines and wartorn countries have in common?
Crooked Rulers.
No Food at The Drive-Thru
"How can I take your order?"
"I would like to order a burger please?"
"No burgers."
"O.K. fries than."
"No fries."
"How about an apple turnover?"
"No apple turnovers."
"A salad?"
"Let me check...Nope."
"So what do you have than?"
"A really big appetite."
A manager arrives at work in their brand new Porsche 911 Carrera.
A bunch of people who work for that manager see the new car through the window and walk outside in awe.
The manager proudly stands before the new car and says “Just remember, if you keep working hard, keep producing at record levels, and continue to keep costs down, by this time next year I can buy another one of these!”
Your mother is so fat
She was really depressed most of her life and died in her sleep at 50 of health problems after being a constant burden to her family. Her kids were following in her footsteps being overweight unattractive and heavily medicated, bullied mercilessly at school. Her husband isn’t nearly as fat but still depressed because he settled for a land whale because he can’t stand being alone, creeping on younger female coworkers to feel like he could trade up for a newer model, to no avail. He later committed suicide