Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Why was the biologist watching porn?
He was studying different hormones.
... at a Date ...When I looked up "Wow" in the dictionary recently, there was a picture of you.
A joke one of my 8/yo students told me today…
What’s the opposite of school?
…online school!
computers vs humans?
The best joke on mankind is that computers ask humans to prove they are not robots...
So a Police Officer pulls over a little old lady in a car going a bit too slow…
Police officer asks the usual, “…know why I pulled you over…” “…license, registration, proof of insurance…”
Lady hands everything over as usual,
And then the Officer asks, “Ma’am, you got any weapons in the car I should know about?”
Old Lady answers “a .45 at my waistband, a Glock in the Center Console, a .357 Revolver in the Glove Box, a 12 Gauge under the back seat, and an AR-10 in the trunk.”
The officer asks, “Jeez, Lady, what the hell are you so afraid of?”
The Lady then answers **“Not a Damn Thing.”**
l made $48m today and I’m STILL having Burger King for dinner.
Just another day working at the Federal Reserve.
... during Sports ...Have you heard the joke about paper? It’s terrible. Have you heard the joke about prostitution?…
It’s horrible…
Mowing The Lawn
I mowed the lawn this morning, took a shower, and had a nap.
When I woke up and looked out the bedroom window, the grass was the same length as before I mowed it.
Bewildered, I went back outside and did the work all over again. Now I was completely exhausted. I fell asleep on the sofa as soon as I sat down.
When I woke up and looked out the window, the grass was even higher. I began crying inconsolably. My wife came straight over and asked me what was wrong.
"I fought the lawn and the lawn won."
Never literally taking cooking instructions…
After my first attempt to make a cake, the fireman told me that when it says to grease the bottom of the pan, they meant to say the inside of the pan . . .