Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...So a man with no arms is walking around the store looking for help.
He walks up to a lady and asks her if she will pull his Willy out at a urinal so he can relieve his bladder. She reluctantly agrees and they go into the bathroom. She pulls his Willy out and the room is filled with this grotesque smell and it’s green and disgusting.
She then exclaims ,”oh my god what is wrong with that thing!”
He then pulls out his arms from inside his sleeves and says,” I don’t know but I ain’t touching it.”
It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar
It’s a thirty five minute walk from the bar to my house.
The difference is staggering.
When pro-lifers have a disk read error
… do they get sad when they have to click “abort”?
A White American Man is sitting in a bar
He is suddenly transported to another world. He looks around and realizes that he is surrounded by his ancestors.
He heads over to a man in a top hat and monocle and asks, “Who are you?” The man looks at him and says “Well, I am your English ancestor.” The American than asks “What aspect of my personality is from you?” The Englishman than answers, “Well I gave you my good English manors!” The American than thanks him.
He than sees a man with a bushy mustache and asks who he is. “We’ll I am your Italian ancestor,” the mustached man says, “and I gave you the ability to cook. Just like Italy your cooking is superior to all others.” The American thanks him.
The American than sees a man and approaches him and asks “Where are you from?” The man than replies, “Well I’m from Ireland.” The confused American says, “Wait I’m not part Irish.” The Irishman laughs and says “Well you were in a bar and started seeing ghosts, so you must be Irish.”
If Mike Tyson was Irish what would his favorite fish be?
potato salmon
What do me and a wii remote have in common?
We both have wii motion plus inside and dont use condoms
Confusion with Regards to the Optometrist of London.
The Eye of London.
You need to see the Eye.
I don’t need to see the Eye my Vision is fine. The Eye of London!
I do see the Eye of London.
No not your Eye Doctor, the Attraction!
If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
A guy in 2000’s was diagnosed with yellow24 by a doctor
The doctor than tells him “ you have 24 hours to live”
So he goes home to his wife and she decided to do what he has never done in his life
“You have never gone to the bingo hall” said the wife.
So they go to the bingo hall and the man won a 1 row, getting £400 then won a full house winning £2000 and then got moved to national game and won and got £38000, the caller realises this and gets the man on stage
Caller: how are you so lucky today?
Man:LUCKY?!?!?!?!
Caller: well y-
Man: I GOT YELLOW 24 I HAVE 24 HOURS TO LIVE!!!!!!
Caller: HE WON THE RAFFLE AS WELL!!!!!