Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...In the 1930s, a farmer attempted to steal cows from a neighbouring farm.
He became a bit of a local legend. No one knew exactly why he stole them, and we still don’t know to this day. Some say he was just in a desperate situation, some say these cows had been abused and that he was rescuing them, some say he was just a greedy old farmer.
He attempted this great bovine burglary by stealing a train one night that ran on a line that went past both farms to load up the cows. The cows he tried to steal were all the shortest cows of the herd, and people use this fact to try to prove their point.
“Oh those were probably the ones most mistreated”,
“ah, see those cows are lowest to the ground, they’ll eat the grass more efficiently, growing faster than all the others!”,
“No no, they’ll be low enough to the floor of the train carriage, any passers by wouldn’t be able to see them through the window!”
Unfortunately, no one will ever know for sure, as on the way back, cows in tow, he crashed the train and sadly passed away later that night. Thankfully the cows survived and were returned home. Once more, questions arose as to how this happened. Was it a problem with the train itself? Could it have been his own incompetence? We’ll never know.
And so, this farmer became a local legend. A hero brought down by a faulty train to some, a villain taken out by his own hubris to others.
No one ever figured out if he did have good low-cow motives.
... during Sex ...what the difference between reddit jokes and HIM
It took him 3 days to return the jokes take about 3 minutes to be reposted
Me and my buddy Milton Spilk used to work in a kitchen, chopping up vegetables.
You have to be careful or you can cut yourself. Old Milt had an accident and got cut up pretty bad.
I felt bad about it, but eventually I decided...
Why cry over Milt Spilk?
My cat lost his hind legs but he can’t afford to buy himself prosthetic ones.
He’s two paw.
What was NASA thinking when they decided to fly a rocket into a meteor?
Did I hit or didymos.
Psychiatrist joke
A psychiatrist comes home from work one day. His wife asks him how his day was. He replies, "Well, my first patient was a guy who got fired from his job. No matter what I said, I couldn`t get the sad look off his face."
"My second patient was a guy who`s wife divorced him. No matter what I said, I couldn`t get the sad look off his face."
"My third patient was a lady who was so depressed, she jumped out of a third story window naked. She landed feet-down right on a fire hydrant! No matter what I said, I couldn`t get the smile off her face!"
When I was in grade 3, our teacher decided we would have Riddle & Joke time every day for 10 minutes before lunch break. This was the very first joke told by a kid in my class.
If I had a dollar for every time I had trouble going to sleep
I’d be able to afford a better mattress
Why is McDonald’s the best place to bring your girlfriend?
So you can get to court-her pound-hers.
... to your Girlfriend ...