Things better not to say - random entries
... to the Police ...You don`t know me, but I`m supposed to say hello to you from your wife.
... Jokes ...Why is the pen mightier than the sword?
the pen can turn sword into words
What do you call a large reptile who likes to stir up petty fights on social media?
An Insta-gator.
A man goes to see his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
A young girl asks her father, “Daddy what does the word ‘corruption’ mean?”
- “Bring me a beer and I’ll tell you.”
- “But mummy says you shouldn’t drink!”
- “Get a nice ice cream as well while you bring me beer.”
- “Oh, okay!”
... during apartment viewing ..."Really nice here! I`ll take the apartment!"
"We`re on a brewery tour."
"I take her!"
... at Office ...What does someone who studies time and an expert with prostitutes have in common?
They are both (w)horologists.
No shame for sex workers or time keepers, just thought it was a fun word.
A man has 4 sons
1st son: Degree in economics
2nd son: MBA
3rd son: PhD
4th son: Thief
Neighbor asks: Why can you throw your fourth son out of the house
Father: He is the only one earning money, the rest are all unemployed
A woman explains to her doctor her recent issues with going to the bathroom.
I’ve had horrible constipation,” she explains.
“I haven’t been able to go for weeks.”
“Are you doing anything for it?” the doctor asks.
“Well, I’ll force myself to sit on the toilet for a half hour in the morning and a half hour before bed.”
“No, I meant are you taking anything?”
“Oh,” she replies. “Yeah, I usually take a magazine.”
It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar
It’s a thirty five minute walk from the bar to my house.
The difference is staggering.