Things better not to say - random entries
... Sayings ...My girlfriend`s roommate asked her if she had a tampon. My girlfriend bought some yesterday, but still doesn`t give her any. I ask her why:
"She ate the last piece of cake. She`ll bleed for that!"
... Jokes ...What do you say to a bad Stand Up comedian?
Did you take lessons from Stephen Hawking?
What do you say to your friend who just got a boob job?
I think your breasts are growing on me!
... during Sex ...A couple had a red-headed baby
On her first post-delivery visit to their OB-GYN, the young wife asked if the doctor might help them with some confusion and anxiety.
She explained to her doctor, “See, my husband and I are both dark, with dark hair. Everyone in both our families is dark. How can we have a red-headed baby?”
“Well, there’s lots of reasons.”
“See, I’m worried that people might think things about me, you know, wonder about it.”
“You conceived sometime in March, so before, how frequently were you and your husband having sex?”
“Not at all! He was deployed!”
“How long?”
“Eleven months!”
“Ah ha! You were both just a little rusty.”
A cannibal finishes baking a cake for the first time and says to himself:
“Hmm, I don’t know, might need some fresh eyes on this”.
Stranger at the door
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning.
“I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is man standing at the door It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk to the bone.
“Hi there.” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”
“No, get lost, it’s half past three I was in bed.” says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again?
What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?
“But the guy was drunk.” says the husband.
“It doesn’t matter.” says the wife.
“He needs your help.”
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts:
“Hey, do you still want a push?”
He hears a voice cry out, “Yeah please.”
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: “Where are you?”
And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing.”
What do you say to a french man to cheer hm up ?
Beaucoup, to him, it means a lot.
What is the difference between Dutch food and British food history?
Their Prime Minister fate
The erectile dysfunction society held a championship fund-raiser the other week...
...But no one made it past the semi-finals