Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...My neighbour across the street said he was born in Micronesia. My next door neighbour said he was born in Indonesia. I told them I was born in Amnesia.
My father forgot to wear a condom.
I fancy myself an entomologist. I have a way with words...
...when it comes to bugs.
Biden is walking in the park one day
He stops and pets a puppy. the puppy bites him. He goes to the doctor and is told he has rabies.
The next day, he goes for a swim and is bitten by a shark. He is told that he now has gangrene
The very next day, he decides to visit syria and gets poisoned. He now has five hours left to live.
He goes in disguise and randomly draws a name out of a jar, then invests his entire fortune into it before dying
News at 11:00: Gangrenous man with rabies donates 2 cents to Trump foundation
In an attempt to draw national attention to national breast cancer awareness month in Minnesota more than 10000 bras were hooked together and hung it from a crane.
Well I do not wanna know how Minnesota celebrates black history month.
What do you say when you see a frenchman with his fly down?
I caught you, european
Starica is the real attraction of Central America...
CostaRica is only there in a supporting role to keep the story moving along.
... to the Police ...Policeman: "Would you please show me your first-aid kit?"
Driver: "Ohh, do police have AUA?"
Police: "Are you kidding me?!"
Driver: "Oh, is it that bad?"
Last year a guy took his Blonde girlfriend to the Superbowl.
They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was…’Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”
The Tate Brothers are on a flight to Romania
Tristan leans over to take and asks what he is reading. Andrew replies "one about the raw sigma energy that you and I express"
Tristan looks at Andrew "maybe you should give that Bucharest"
I have shop, where you can drink Jack Daniels and bake
I call it Whisky Businnes
Does it get easier?
A young priest, fresh out of the seminary, just moved into the rectory for his first church assignment. He was partnered up with a much older, wiser priest.
One evening, while watching television, a beautiful woman appeared on the screen. The younger priest became very uncomfortable and asked the older priest “Does it get easier?”
“Does what get easier?”
“Ignoring sexual temptation. Impure thoughts and the like”
“Oh, that, sure it does get easier over time. I haven’t struggled with that in decades”
Just then the doorbell rang, and the young priest answered the door. A Cub Scout was stopping by to sell magazine subscriptions”
As the old man stood to greet the boy , a look of horror came across his face. He looked at the younger priest and said, firmly, “I take it back, it does not get easier!”
What do you get when you combine Bob Dylan, John Cougar and Bruce Springsteen?
A song about a girl named Maggie who was born in a little pink house in the USA that no one can understand the words to until Manfred Mann covers it.