Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Santa and his wife had a messy divorce after they both got colostomies.
After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.
Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.
A man goes to Argentina
A man goes to Argentina
He rode on the back of a pickup truck to a little town a few miles north of Tandil, where the arid plains roughened into coarse, rocky outcrops at the foothills of the Tandilia Hills.
There’s not much to see other than a bustling little main street, where you can buy groceries and candy and tobacco. You can even catch a soccer game at a pleasant pub.
What surprises the man, however, is just how many dentist’s offices he can see, covered in big neon signs advertising veneers at discount prices. One, two, three - three dentists in one little town!
His curiosity gets the better of him. The man enters the first dentist’s office and asks the dentist about his story. The dentist explains that his father was German but loved the Argentine sun. The man enters the second dentist’s office and asks the dentist about his story. The dentist explains that his father was German but loved the Argentine air. The man enters the third dentist’s office and asks the dentist about his story. The third dentist explains that his father was German but loved the Argentine food.
This was all very well and good but it didn’t explain much at all. Shrugging it off, the man goes to the pub, and orders a beer. The barman asks the man if he’s enjoying his visit. The man says yes, but he’s confused as to why there’s so many German dentists.
“Just be grateful they don’t do what their parents did,” the barman says.
“Why?” asks the man. “Who were their parents?”
“Butchers,” says the barman.
King Richard’s coronation must have been interesting.
Everyone was waiting patiently for a good Dick King.
Your penis is just like your signature
You should be very careful where you put it
This is not a Chuck Norris joke.
Sorry guys, no Chuck Norris no point in even trying to be funny. Chuck Norris is the best medicine. Accept nothing else.
A Cowboy Buys a Horse (long)
A cowboy decided to buy a horse from the preacher. As the money changed hands, the preacher warned him, “Now this isn’t a regular horse. I’ve taught this one different commands. To get him to run, you must say ‘Hallelujah!’ And to make him stop say ‘Amen’. The cowboy thanked him and the preacher left.
Later that afternoon, the cowboy decided to test out the horse. He saddled up and mounted, then kicked his heels, yelling “Heyahh!” The horse just stood there, unmoving.
Oh yeah, the rancher thought, remembering what the preacher said. “Hallelujah!”
The horse bolted into a dead run. The rancher held on for dear life. “Woah! Slow down!” He pulled hard at the reins, but the horse was running at top speed, straight for the edge of a tall cliff. “Stop! Woah!”
The horse wouldn’t slow down or stop. The cliff was getting closer and closer. The cowboy, panicking, realized he was about to die and quickly prayed. “God, save my soul and forgive my sins, Amen.”
The horse slid to a sweaty stop, right at the very edge of the cliff. The cowboy, giddy with relief, shouted. “Hallelujah!”
A man died of Viagra overdose...
His favorite movie always had been "Die Hard".
... Sayings ...Why was Freddy Krueger late for work?
Cause traffic is a nightmare on Elm Street.
“Do you want to hear today’s special sir?”
“Do you want to hear today’s special sir?”
“Yes.”
“Great, today is special sir.”