Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Did you know that there was a huge debate if antimatter could be considered a kind of matter?
Of course it was rejected. It tried so hard, it got so far, but in the end it wasn’t really matter
How did the two pregnant teenagers get to their abortion clinics overseas?
One Roed. The other Waded.
... at a Date ...What’s the difference between drinking Vodka and Bleach
Drinking one is an acident and drinking the other makes you based.
My neighbour started banging on my wall at 3:20am this morning, can you believe it?
Fortunately, I was still up, listening to music on my new speakers.
I turned it up louder to drown him out but he kept banging and shouted “can we have a little respect please?”
I shouted back “I’m not a big Aretha Franklin fan but OK, this one’s for you”
A very talented rabbit
Alice loves walking through the park and saying hello to anyone she hasn’t met before.
One day, she comes across a man with a pet rabbit. She asks if the rabbit can do any tricks, and she is greeted with an amazing performance. Without going into too much detail, the rabbit is easily one of the best performers Alice has ever seen in her (admittedly short) life. By the end of the performance, a large crowd has gathered to watch and cheer on the rabbit. Alice gives the man some money to buy food for his very talented rabbit, and goes on her way.
Alice continues visiting the park every day as she normally does, and every day the man and his rabbit are there, sitting on the same bench. She doesn’t approach them as she doesn’t want to bother them much, but the man and his rabbit always wave to her as she walks by.
A few more weeks pass by, and a Alice decides to talk to the man again. “Where did your pet learn all these tricks?”
“Well,” responds the man, “I’ve had Fred here since he was a baby. His whole life he’s been training to do amazing things like you saw a few weeks ago. In fact, his parents were in the circus, so you could say it’s in his blood.”
Alice finds this fascinating, but she’s still confused about one thing. “How did you teach him to wave? I didn’t even think rabbits could do that.”
“Oh, I never taught him that. He’s just a naturally wavy hare.”
What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes?
A pundemic
After Christmas dinner, you need to watch out on the streets, becaue the men are drunk
And the women are driving
... during Sex ...LLLIIIISTEN.....did ypu know bananas are good for your memory?
My wife put one in my ass two months ago & I remember it.
A close friend of a doctor, a dentist, and a lawyer dies
At the funeral, the doctor says to his two friends, “Where I come from it is traditional to honor the deceased by placing money on him to take to the grave with his burial.” So the other two agree to do this.
The doctor goes up to the coffin and after paying his last respects, places a $100 bill on the body. Next the dentist does the same thing.
Lastly, the lawyer goes up to the coffin, and after paying his last respect, picks up the two $100 bills and leaves a check for $300.