Things better not to say - random entries

Why Does Dr Pepper Come In A Bottle?
his wife is dead

What is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.

The guys from the team really exaggerated... You`re not THAT good.

I slept with a married woman last night…
It was my wife, we just got married a week ago

Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of your pants.

I tried to listen to my new Johann Sebastian Bach vinyl record on my high-end turntable but it kept skipping.
I guess the record was Baroque!

what do you call your straight female sibling?
sis

A soldier stepped on a land mine in a field
He should’ve been more mineful of his step.

Who is the wealthiest African American?
Elon Musk

Do you remember blowing bubbles as a kid?
He says hi

There was a murder in the chicken coop
Authorities suspect fowl play.

The patron saint of those annoying group email threads...
​ ​ St. Francis of Assisi. ​ ​ ​ p.s. Go forth and cc no more.

Man goes to a job interview
A man goes to a job interview. The interview is nearing the end and going great when the interviewer asked the man “what do you think your biggest weakness would be?” Man: “my biggest weakness? Well I guess I’d have to say my honesty.” Interviewer: “your honesty? I don’t think you being too honest will be a problem around here” Man: “hey buddy, I don’t give a fuck what you think.”