Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What do you call a toddler of an anti-vaxxer having a meltdown?
A midlife crisis.
Gender is like the twin towers.
There used to be two of them, and now it is a sensitive subject.
... at a upscale establishment ...Ohhhhh and I thought you meant the end of NEXT month...
Ancestry
My co-worker tells the best stories. He said:
I did that ancestry DNA thing and it came back that I was 20% American Indian. It makes sense because after I went to prom it rained for 2 weeks.
What do you call Jesus after getting hit by a drive by?
The Holey Ghost!
This one my colleague told me… [LONG]
There was once a boy called Johnny and his favourite thing in the whole world, was tractors. He owned little model tractors, paintings of tractors, he watched tv shows about tractors and every now and again, was lucky enough to go to a tractor convention.
One particular year, Johnny was able to go to a really special convention. This one had the worlds oldest tractor, so of course he begged his mum to go and the following day, they were on the way.
They arrived and Johnny was in awe at the worlds oldest tractor. The owner of this tractor spotted Johnny staring at this tractor in pure astonishment. He went over and spoke to him. “This looks like it’s grabbed your interest, is that right?” Johnny nods. “I’ve never seen anyone be so fascinated by a tractor before. You wanna ride in it?” Again, Johnny nods and get’s in the Tractor.
Off they go around the little farm and Johnny is having a great time. Up ahead, there are some cows crossing the dirt path so the tractor owner applies the brakes. With the tractor being so old, it has no form of seatbelt, so Johnny goes right out of the front. The tractor also has terrible brakes that take a while to come to a halt, so… the tractor runs over poor Johnny’s legs.
After being rushed into hospital and being treated for his injuries, Johnny wakes us to see both of his legs missing. In the room, he also noticed a new wheelchair and starts to accept that this is his new life. After a little while, Johnny’s mum comes in with her friend, and her friend’s daughter called Ella. Johnny and Ella start chatting and they hit it off, texting everyday, organising little dates… one day, Johnny even got the courage to ask Ella to the school prom. She would say yes of course!
Finally, the night of the prom came. Johnny met Ella around the front of the school hall, he kissed her on the cheek and they finally went in. They were both excited and happy to be with each other.
After getting into the hall, Ella noticed the slightly smoky floor from the SFX machines. She started panicking, and coughing, panicking more and coughing more. She rushed outside and Johnny quickly followed. He was worried and asked her what was wrong. “When I was younger, I was in a serious house fire and got caught in a lot of smoke. It damaged my lungs a little but it’s stuck in my head ever since. Seeing that smoke just scared me”.
Johnny, feeling like a hero, said “wait here”, he rushed inside of the hall and with all of his might, sucked up all of the smoke in the building. He held it inside and rushed outside before letting it all go into the air again. He invited Ella back inside, and she was amazed.
“Johnny oh my god how did you do that?!” Ella said in utter disbelief.
“I’m an Ex-tractor fan”
I love giving headphones to people as gifts
But without the phones of course
Following the protests, Iran has announced a controversial move to reopen outdoor markets.
Experts have described the move as a bazaar decision