Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What did Santa say when he found his wife getting bang-ganged by the elfs?
Hoe, hoe, hoe.
Reading The Writing On The Wall...
I used to spend long hours working on my "rubbing-up-against-strangers-in-public" technique...
...until I got my *new* pair of glasses and re-read that motivational poster on the break-room wall.
So, my bad... it turns out it does *not* say : "Practice Makes Pervert"
What do hipsters have in common with the homeless?
They both sleep on the greats
I get often asked what’s the difference between sleeping and dying
Well, your mother doesn’t die with me
My wife asked me to R.S.V.P. to a party my inlaws were throwing....
....so I coughed and urinated on the invitation.
The executioner asked the king if he would find fulfilment in his work.
The king said he could see it in the offing.
Once I said: mom, dad have been cold with me lately.
She answered with: shut up and bury him already
Why did the man driving stop at every gas station?
Cause it’s impolite to pass gas
An investigative journalist ...
wanted to find out if homicide rates were higher in "blue" or "red" cities. He gathered years and years of statistics, from small towns to major cities. He soon became overwhelmed the amount of data, but worked diligently to summarize it into digestable chunks. He finally got the story published in the morning newspaper, but no sooner had he finished a celebratory cup of coffee then there came a loud knock at the door.
He slowly opened the door to find a police officer demanding he come with him to the station. "What ever for?" exclaimed the journalist.
"Aggregated murder!"
I Was in Russia a few weeks ago
And I was watching a stand up comedian making jokes about Putin. To be honest I didnt really care for the jokes, but I liked the execution.