Things better not to say - random entries

what do you call a guy with a condom on his nose?
Fuck knows

Which insect do Americans find most confusing?
Cricket.

A blonde hit a stranger`s car. He screams angrily: "Have you even taken a driving test?" The blonde yells back: "Yes! And certainly more often than you!”

Santa claus
Why does Santa Claus has a big sack ?. He only comes once a year.

Did you hear about the guy who went around murdering people with a rabbit fetus and a phallus shaped eraser?
His victims got David Lynch-ed.

What do you call a Muslim in a hot tub?
A bath bomb

what do you call a LGBTQ+ member whose sex life is object oriented?
LGBTQ++

My Grandfather built me a car entirely out of wood
It had wooden seats, wooden doors, wooden steering wheel, wooden floors and a wooden engine. Unfortunately when I tried to start it, it wooden work.

An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.
The Devil made him an offer. “I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife’s soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends.” The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, “But what’s the catch?”

Excuse me, may I disturb you for a moment? Yes, what is it? Nothing, I just wanted to disturb you for a moment.

What would Martin Luther King JR be if he was white?
Alive.

A woman walks into a grocery store.
She heads to the produce aisle and sees a man stocking the shelves. “Excuse me where are your onions?” “Ma’am we don’t have any onions today” the man replied. “Nonsense, I know you have onions today” she replied. “ ma’am we really don’t” he said again. “ yes you do” was her response. He sighed and decided on a different approach to get through to her. “Take the po out of potatoes” he said to her. “What?” She said. “Just humour me.” “Ok… you get tatoes” “Now take the to out of tomatoes” he said. “You get matoes” she said. “Good now take the fugg out of onions.” She paused for about 5 seconds before snapping. “There is no fugginonions!” That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you the man replied.

Last year, I made a documentary about how whales make splashes.
It was a flop.