Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...I visited Scotland last week
I was surprised by how many people spoke fluent English
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red and once again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was wrong. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said: “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!”
Mildred turned to her and said: “Oh, am I driving?”
A farmer and Sean Banan
Sean Banan: How many rooms does your farm have?
Farmer: Five room...
Sean Banan: paaaaaaaa!
My wife threatened to leave me due to my obsession with Drake
I told her she’d thank me later.
From my 8-year-old: What does Santa say if you get too close to him with a cold?
You’re on the snotty list!
What is the worst part of the body to be caught in a lift with?
The nose, because it smells.
A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him.
I know the drill.
Why was the skinny scientist so excited?
>!He just won the no belly prize!<
The Secret of Meditation...
I prefer to keep it simple. All these tantric masters and gurus can literally go fuck themselves.