Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Since we’re doing Readers Digest…
This is a true story, and one that my dad submitted and had published in RD back in the early 80s. It takes place in the early 60s. I’m typing it here from memory.
“My friend and I were driving between 2 rural Indiana towns during a winter blizzard when we ran out of gas. With only $5 to our names, we hiked a few miles or so to the nearest gas station to buy some gas. Upon learning that we didn’t have a Jerry can, the owner refused to lend us a can without a $3 deposit. So we bought $2 worth of gas, paid the $3 deposit, and prepared to walk back in the blowing storm. After looking out at the storm, the owner said, ‘It’s nasty out there… here, take my car’, and tossed us his keys.”
Banker And Lawyer..
If a banker and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them...
Cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever.
Albert Einstein, Erwin Schroedinger, and Richard Feynman walk into a bar.
Richard Feynman says: “It seems we are inside a joke”.
Albert Einstein says: “We are only inside a joke relative to the Reddit users, Dr. Feynman”.
Scrhoedinger says: “If someone’s gonna look through that window I’m outta here!”
My grandma told me that the men of my generation are tasteless
I replied “That’s why the women of your generation never got their ass ate”
... to your Girlfriend ...I have the body of a Greek goddess.
Buddha isn`t even a Greek god!
That new baby smell
Almost everyone loves that new baby smell. I wonder if babies have that new baby smell if their mother has a dirty smelly pussy.
Why did the newly wed husband postpone his honeymoon?
Because his wife asked him to delay his orgasm
I worked at a sewage company.
when i worked there, i had two coworkers, Jake and Turner. once, we went out to an old house to do work on a septic tank. the homeowners said that the lid of the tank was rusted shut, and couldnt be opened. luckily, in their basement there was access to the tank for maintenance purposes. now, Turner was not the most bright worker. he had constantly made mistakes, misjudging measurements, breaking safety/hygiene protocols, and over all just being an unpleasant person to work with. as we were looking over the tank and wondering how we could pump out the innards, Turner reached out his hand and peeled off a hand-sized flake of rusted metal from the edge of the tank. instantly, the sewage and waste began to gush out of the newly torn hole in the side of the tank, flooding the entire basement to waist height. Jake slowly rotates to face Turner and stares at him, anger radiating off of his face. he shouts,
**"IVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR SHIT!!!"**
Did you know that kangaroos can jump higher than the average house?
Yea cause houses can’t jump”