Things better not to say - random entries

As an American, it makes me so sad to see that nothing is made in the USA anymore.
I just bought this new TV and it says “Built-in Antenna.” I don’t even know where that is.

What drug do smoking hot middle age women take for unwanted pregnancies?
Milfepristone

I must of said some things that got my girl heated last night..
Cuz this morning i got a nude awakening !

How to say "hi" in other countries
France has "bonjour." Japan has "konichiwa." Germany has "guten tag." England has "fuck off, yank." China has "nihao."

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor guy.

What do trans men and British people have in common?
They both love T

From one side of the bakery to the other, a breadstick yelled out to a pretzel
“Hey Jane, when did you take up yoga?”

In the 90s it was easy to go into an upscale restaurant with your clone. That was a long time ago.
I must be dating myself

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it

i heard you can get carbon and irpn half off if you buy them as an alloy
what a steel! Edit: typo in the title... "irpn" is supposed to say iron. whoops

Have you ever heard about the obese Dutchman?
He went to Sweden on holiday, and they were about to throw away a smorgasbord.

What do you call a person who amuses himself with birds and feathers?
A pheasant picker. And to all you dyslexics out there, they make comfortable lovers too.

There’s a great old Chic Murray joke where…
He’s staying at a guest house and he goes down for breakfast in the morning and on the table there’s all the little packets of butter, jam and a little individual pot of honey and he says to the landlady “I see you keep a bee”.