Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...Tragic news from the Nestle factory today as a worker was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolates.
He tried in vain to get help but every time he shouted, "The milky bars are on me!!" --his fellow workmates just cheered
Jill sees a gorilla in a tree in her yard
So she calls the police informing them of what she has seen. The dispatch informed her to use the phone book to find a gorilla catcher near her.
Sure enough there is a section of gorilla catchers. So she calls and one arrives at her property. Bob shows up with handcuffs, pit bull, and a shotgun. So bob explains to Jill that he will need her help. He will climb up the tree. Shake the tree until the gorilla falls and the dog will go for the gorillas crotch. The gorilla will be in so much pain that you will be able to easily handcuff the gorilla.
So bob is about to climb up when jill ask what about the shotgun. Bob says “oh I forgot the most important part, sometimes while shaking the tree, I may fall off instead. If that’s the case I need you to shoot the f’ing dog”
I have to ask you, do you consider yourself smart?
You see, the ancient Greeks believed that those who were barbaric and unintelligent were cursed with a massive schlong, because that way the blood wouldn’t get to their head. They also believed that small penises were evidence of great intelligence.
So I ask you, do you consider yourself smart?
As for me I will tell you, I am completely average and have a medium dick. It can talk to ghosts.
My dishwasher wasn’t working this morning
So I punched her and she started working again
Food Fight
My buddy invited me to a fight, turns out it was a food fight..…. Guess i should of known when the announcer started it off by saying “let’s get ready to gumbooooo”
Why do people in North Korea hate James Brown?
They have been told all their lives everything about Seoul is awful.
What is the definition of trust?
Letting a cannibal give you a blowjob.
Why can’t a pterodactyl use the bathroom?
Because they’re dead, idiot!
... at a Fast-Food-Restaurant ..."But the burger doesn`t look like the photo"
"Just like you on Instagram"
One spelling mistake can destroy your marriage, a husband sent a text to his wife reading
“I’m having a wonderful time, I wish you was her.”