Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What does a pregnant 12-year-old girl and her fetus have in common?
.
.
.
They’re both thinking: “Oh my God, my mom’s gonna kill me!”.
The president and an alien leader meet for the first time
The president starts the conversations off with the alien leader “ your people are amazing, hopefully we can work together, the progress we could make in technology will take us forward by decades!”
“Yes of course, not the least of which is your ships for space travel, that design is ridicules, why would you ever design a ship that way?”
“Well I’m not the expert in the subject but from my understanding it’s very simple aerodynamics”
“I may need a translation from one of my people”
Hushed whispers to the side of the alien leaders head are quickly followed up with unmistakable , though foreign sounding laughter
“I’m sorry who would ever tell you that is aerodynamic?”
“Well , as it so happens we have one of our scientists here, would you like to meet him?”
“I’d be offended if I didn’t at this point mr president”
A few moments later a sharply dressed middle aged man approaches beaming with curiosity
“So I hear you had some questions about our ships?
“Yes why would you design it like that? Your fine leader here seems to think it’s because it’s “aerodynamic” and we both know that isn’t right.”
“What do you mean?”
“*what do I mean*? well, quite frankly it looks like (checks with translator) a dick”
“How do you know what THAT is?”
“We are part of a VERY diverse galactic alliance , there are a few dozen species from other planets, and THAT type of reproduction is nothing new , I think you’re going to be very surprised once you meet some of them”
The president having recovered being whiplashed by the sudden turn of conversion he never expected interjects
“So how does this have anything to with our ships?
“2 things , the first is these men you have at your employ have played a good joke on you, we know what aerodynamic looks like , that is so specifically inefficient in just enough ways to fly that the shape must be intentional, meaning they have convinced you to glide in the air and space in dicks”
“And what’s the second thing”
“Well that’s the even funnier thing, **go figure the species with the tiniest reproductive organs in the galactic alliance would be riding around in giant dicks**”
... at a Date ...I went to a protest for trees the other day.
I saw a sign that said Bark Lives Matter.
Went to a site in the stages of grief
The page loaded and it asked me to “accept all cookies”.. I was like, “but I’m still in the denial phase!”…
How do you teach a kid to play bloody ball properly?
You say "Cast away wilson"
... during Sex ...It`s nice to have a woman in bed for once that you don`t have to blow up!
What’s the difference between an informal dinner event and a pirate having sex?
One you come as you are, the other you arrrr as you come
I was doing a calculation on my calculator and accidentally divided instead of multiplying.
Operator error
Two fetuses sit in their moms uterus.
One of them wears a scarf, hat and gloves. His twin asks him why he’s dressed like that. He answers: “l don’t want to catch a cold like the guy with the red nose who pops in here all the time with all that snot!”