Things better not to say - random entries

Crimea River Ukrainians?
I said Crimea river Ukrainians. What is wrong with that?

To all the Europeans suffering from the current heat wave, here is a reminder to stay strong.
Your ancestors colonized entire countries in much higher temperatures.

A businessman interviews a mathematician, an accountant, and an economist for a job
A businessman interviews a mathematician, an accountant, and an economist for a job. He asks them, “What is 2 + 2?” The mathematician answers, “Exactly 4.” The accountant replies, “Depending on what your interest, depreciation, and taxes are, approximately 2.” The economist walks over to the door, shuts and locks it, closes the blinds on the window, and leans over and softly asks, “What do you want it to be?”

My girlfriend told me to put tomato sauce on the shopping list, so I did.
Now I can’t read it..

I was setting the voice recognition password of my mobile.
A dog barked and ran away. I am still looking for that dog to unlock my mobile.

What do you call Trump supporters who gather in groups of 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, etc.?
Fibber-nazi numb herds.

Elon Musk has been making bad decisions since getting his hairplugs
He needs toupee

Peeing in the shower …
… is okay. All my frieds said so. To make the long story short: I got banned from Home Depot.

My terrorist friend will not allow me to count my red LEGOs
He must be a fan of the tally ban.

A sailor and marine are in the bathroom at a bar.
After urinating the marine starts to leave, but the sailor stops him and says, "In the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after." The marine says, "In the Marines they have to teach us to read."

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb

Which doctor works with joints?
Dr. Dre

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo
I had to put my foot down.