Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A mother walks in on her daughter…
having sex with her boyfriend.
The mother exclaims, “Well, I never!”
The daughter replies, “Mother, you must’ve!”
On the one hundredth day of school, students are supposed to bring one hundred items.
Some brought pencils, some brought pens, some brought cards, others brought brain cells
My dad told me this one
Did you hear about the mean cactus? He was a real prick
Last night I went to a restaurant called Bulimians.
The line for the bathroom was incredible.
... Sayings ...People who continue to eat bread even though they have digestive problems with it.
Are a gluten for punishment.
A horse walks into a bar
Bartender says “why the long face?” the horse says “if you think my face is long, you should see my cock”.
Why do pitbull owners call their dogs “Nanny dogs”?
Cause babies can’t get into any mischief once you’ve torn their limbs off.
What is the only thing worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook
How to Prevent the Spread of Infection
The health department was having a talk with an architect and asked him, "How do you plan to prevent the spread of infection in your buildings?"
The architect replied, "The halls will have special baths, and the men will shower before and after they work."
Johnny Depp brought in Shakira as his witness.
Everyone was perplexed when she started dancing provocatively as she was taking the stand. She single-handedly won the case for Depp. It was very clear, Shakira’s hips don’t lie.