Things better not to say - random entries
... at a Date ...Do you have a cane? I can`t see anything anymore because of your beauty!
... Jokes ...What’s the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Someone tried to cheer me up by saying to think of others worse off.
I decided to make it into a game, similar to the telephone game but we pay it forward. I gathered a group of every sorry depressing person in the city and by vote, we all lined up who we all agreed, was best to worst and the rule was to say to the next guy:
“Cheer up, the guy after you is worse” and tell them to pass it on.
…Sadly the game could never started though….Because the first guy was dead.
Seafood for thought
A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…”
A man faced execution by firing squad and was asked by the officer in charge if he had any last words...
Safely behind his men, the officer shouted, "SQUAD! PREPARE TO FIRE ON MY MARK! I WILL COUNT DOWN AND GIVE THE ORDER TO FIRE! PRISONER, DO YOU HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS? THREE!"
The prisoner said, "Yes sir, I do."
The officer shouted, "WHAT ARE THEY? TWO!
The prisoner shouted "ABOUT..... FACE!"
The officer shouted "FIRE!"
What do women and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy inside them.
Pizza hut
Police were last night called out to an alleyway behind a local pizza hut. There they found the lifeless body of a man covered in onion, cheese, pineapple and peperami.
Police believe he topped himself