Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...I needed socks for outdoors winter.
I thought I would need two layers.
So I bought two *pairs...*
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Read my username.
So a snail walks into a dealership
and purchases a car, proceeds to ask the salesman to put eggs on the front, eggs on the roof, and eggs on the trunk.
Bewildered the salesman ask, excuse but why would you want to put eggs all over your car.
Snail replies, because when I drive down the road very fast I want people to say,
“Hey look at that eggs car go”
the 3 rings of marriage
What are the three rings of marriage? Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering
What do you call it when you wake up with 9 bruises and stub your toe in the late morning?
Tenth-hurty
A horse walks into a bar...
And the bartender says "why the long dick?"
I went to see a black comedian the other night...
The crowd had a mixed reaction; Not everybody was a fan of dark humor.
A new boy in a class
The [teacher] and the [boy]. T: What's your last name, Charlie? B: My last name sounds very similar to something you put in your mouth every day! T: IT'S NOT FUNNY, DICKY! B: It's Spoony, ma'am; but I like the way you think.
How many sovereign citizens does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why are you asking me? Am I being detained?!?
what dod one pilot tell the other.
Pilot1: why did you become a pilot
Pilot2 : to overcome my biggest fear.
Pilot 1: fear of heights
Pilot 2; Nop, DYING ALONE.
So a man with no arms is walking around the store looking for help.
He walks up to a lady and asks her if she will pull his Willy out at a urinal so he can relieve his bladder. She reluctantly agrees and they go into the bathroom. She pulls his Willy out and the room is filled with this grotesque smell and it’s green and disgusting.
She then exclaims ,”oh my god what is wrong with that thing!”
He then pulls out his arms from inside his sleeves and says,” I don’t know but I ain’t touching it.”
A woman goes to her doctor complaining of a Bee sting...
He says "What happened?"
She says, "I got stung by a Bee while golfing"
He says, "Where did he sting you?"
She says, "Between the First and Second Holes"
He says, "REALLY? WOW, you must have a VERY WIDE STANCE!"