Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...The horror story of the BAD ROOM!
There was once this house that had what people called a ‘bad room’. People disliked being in there, the people of this house felt uncomfortable even talking about it. People would ask to see the room and the people of the house said ‘please don’t go near the room, but if you do, go with someone else’. For the room had this sort of fatal attraction, they would want to go in. It had a sort of magnetic effect on people, so someone else would always be there to stop them.
Then one young foolish man against all advice said that he would spend the night in this room. People pleaded with him, shouted, argued and screamed at him not to, but he said ‘I will! Just to rid everyone of this superstitious rubbish!’
So he went into the room, and without any human being touch it the door closed behind him.
The people of the house then waited and waited. At 6:00 in the morning they heard the most horrific soul destroying scream. They ran up to the room and opened it, and there was nothing there at all. No sign of the young man anywhere. Nothing except a pungent smell of animal and brimstone, and curiously... just one shoe.
The story was printed in the papers and broadcast on the news and it soon reached the ears of one of the great Jesuit priests, an exorcist. He said that he would exorcise this evil presence in the room. The people of the house pleaded, saying they did not want anymore trouble, but the priest insisted and they agreed.
However he said that ‘if anything should happen to me in that room, if the pattern repeats again and I disappear and all that is left is my shoe. I will write the secret of this room on my shoe, look to my shoe for the answer to the evil presence.’
So he arrived and entered the room and the door once again closed behind him. The people of the house lit a fire downstairs and waited. The grandfather clock slowly ticked away the time. They could hear the priest praying upstairs and could even smell the incense.
Then at 4:30 in the morning they looked at the dog who was asleep by the fire as he started to growl, and as they looked the hair on his back slowly began to rise, and he let out the most harrowing of hound like howls.
Then they heard the scream from the upstairs room! They all ran up the stairs with lights, crosses, crucifixes and holy water and opened the door!
But there was nothing, except that pungent smell, and the shoe!
They ran to the shoe, picked it up and turned it over and burnt into the sole of the shoe were just two words... ‘SIZE 9’.
Funny Blonde Joke
There were 3 construction workers, working on a high-rise building. An Italian, a Mexican and a Blonde.
They always eat lunch together.
On Mon, Tue, Wed and Thu, the Italian guy has meatballs for lunch. On Thursday the Italian guy says, “If I get meatballs again on Friday, I’m going to jump off of this building and kill myself!” On Friday he opens his lunch and says, “It’s spaghetti! Thank God! I don’t have to kill myself!”
On Mon, Tue, Wed and Thu, the Mexican guy has tacos for lunch. On Thursday the Mexican guy says, “If I get tacos again on Friday, I’m going to jump off of this building and kill myself!” On Friday he opens his lunch and says, “It’s enchiladas! Thank God! I don’t have to kill myself!”
On Mon, Tue, Wed and Thu, the Blonde guy has a sandwich for lunch. On Thursday the Blonde guy says, “If I get a sandwich again on Friday, I’m going to jump off of this building and kill myself!” On Friday he opens his lunch and it’s another sandwich. He jumps off of the building and kills himself.
They called his wife and told her the bad news. His wife asked, “What happened?!” They explained. She said, “I don’t understand. He makes his own lunches.”
What’s worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding your wife in a car park getting gangbanged by five dutch lorry drivers
You walk into a bar and there’s a line of people all waiting to slug you in the face…
That’s it. That’s the punch line
Two gold fish are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says ‘You drive, I’ll man the guns!’
Road
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Cause he was stuck to the chicken!
After my Dad changed her gender I just couldn’t see her anymore.
She was trans-parent.