Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Three psychiatrists are having a drink after work, talking about their newest patients.
The first one says, “My most recent patient works as a telemarketer. She has a lot of hang ups.”
The second one added, “I have a new patient who works at the sewage treatment plant. He’s into a lot of crazy shit.”
The third one is silent, but after some prodding says “We’ll, I can’t really compete with you. My most recent patient is a statistician and he just has a standard deviation.”
One good tern deserves another
Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights.
Exposure to cannabinoids reduces stress levels in the stopped birds, allowing them to continue their journey. A team formed to find the colonies of stragglers and drop literal marijuana smoke bombs on the birds. The head of the expedition acknowledged that it was a huge undertaking, but vowed to leave no tern unstoned.
I am so tired of jokes about Americans being stupid and not understanding the metric system.
At least we don’t panic when the temperature hits 40 kilometers!
... to the Police ...A Rabbi, A pundit and a Priest
A rabbi, a pundit and a priest once decided to put their skills to the test,
so they challenged each other...the challenge was who could convert a bear
They all met a few days later.....the pundit n priest were ok but the rabbi was in a full body cast...
so started the pundit...guess what...I read the gita to the bear....n now he is a pious hindu
The priest says...guess what, I read the bible to my bear....it brought tears to his eyes...he immediately had himself baptised now he is a devout christian....
Finally the Rabbi mutters....."shouldve left the circumcision for later"
Yo mama so fat..
..when she falls off the bed, she rolls off both sides at the same time
One reason why a woman should choose a shorter man over a taller man...
They are more down to earth...
What did they find in the toilet on the starship Enterprise?
The captain’s log!