Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...A man runs over a women, who’s fault is that?
Of course the men’s, why was he driving in the kitchen?
... to your Boss ...I saw a vegan with a lucky rabbits foot the other day.
I’m pretty sure that’s a faux paw.
What is the difference between a crab with plastic surgery and a filthy bus stop?
One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station.
Customer asked the waiter
- Why this water is so expensive?
- Because this water is sparkling water.
- Why this water and air is so expensive?
... Sayings ...What do dark humor and food have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
(Had a case of temporary dyslexia with the previous post!)
Vladimir Putin hires Amelia Bedelia as his new head of operations
First Bedelia embarks on a worldwide listening tour, recruiting every Russian diplomat and spymaster to gather as much data on each international province as possible.
Next, she seizes every factory and production line in Russia, tasking them to churn out a record amount of specialty foods and garnishes.
Finally, Bedelia commands the entire Russian army to hand deliver 7.9 billion meals— one for every person on earth.
With his economy ruined and his military in shambles, Putin asks Bedelia how she could have gone so wrong. She replies “I don’t understand… you asked me to deliver a new world order.”
"Boss, I`m going home. I`m not feeling so well" - "That doesn`t sound good. Where`s the pressure? In your stomach or in your head?" - "No, in the office"
Three sheep are in a meadow
The first one says, “baaa”
The second one says, “baaa”
The third says, “moo”
The first one says, “what did you say!?”
The third one says, “Sorry. I’m currently studying a foreign language.”
How do you measure a non-binary person’s temperature?
With a themometer!