Things better not to say - random entries

What were dinosaurs called before the meteors hit?
Live-osaurs

What’s the difference between the Wild West and New York State?
In New York they’re still shooting up Buffalo

A young boy enters a barber shop
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too
kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?" mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all" kid:"then why do you add carrots?" mom:"because it makes it tastier"

What does a candle do when it gets fired?
It has a meltdown

Why did the farmer cross the road?
Because he couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken

Why are Alabama childbirth deliveries so short?
Because it’s not a goodbye, it’s a see you later.

Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it

What did the Spanish magician say to the kid with ADHD and the kid with Aspergers?
"TDAH! TEA" (Ta-dah! Tea)

What’s the difference between a sex worker and a healthcare provider?
Sex workers get paid in cash, tax free

"What kind of car does an egg drive?"
"A yolkswagen"

What do you call a chinese person on a bike?
Ped-Ling

My drug test came negative yesterday.
My dealer, sure, has some explaining to do.