Things better not to say - random entries
... Jokes ...What do you call a clairvoyant little person on the run from the law ?
A small medium at large
... during a Job Interview ...How many licks does it take to get to the center of a person?
One, The Heimlich!!!!
[First Date] Her: I’m usually attracted to men with power.
Me: That’s great, I always pay my electric bill on time.
Naughty Nursery Rhymes
Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her between two chunks of bread.
What do golfers scream in Mexico when they hit a stray ball at a crowd of bystanders?
Quatro
What did the tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when they bumped into eachother?
"Sorry, that was my fault."
What are some good jokes that would work as deflections for when my family harasses me about when I’ll graduate?
I’m about to visit a lot of family, and know every person and their mom is going to ask me this. The truth is I’m a very bad student and also don’t like taking a full course load. I like to enjoy life. I also just gave birth to twins, and I love my current job. They won’t care. I just want enough jokes so that I can deflect and make them laugh and we can talk about something else. So far I have for “when will you graduate?”
“when I finish all my classes.”
“At the right time.”
Not bad but not my best, I think the stress is clouding my comedic abilities. Can anyone help me with some good funny responses?
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources officer asked a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology…
and what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $200,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years? Say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow!! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”