Things better not to say - random entries

I’ve fought Medusa before.
At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.

Lol I just said this
Mom:I carried you for nine months! Me:Dad carried me longer

Drinking is a vice - but a beautiful one.

What did the Jewish pedophile say?
Do you want to buy some candy? I’m not antisemitism, I’m Jewish relax

What I? No, I`m just walking from room to room.

I tried to read a book about machines that drill large holes in the ground.
It was boring.

My girlfriend thinks I stole her phone charger. She can only find the cord.
I told her I won’t stand for these baseless accusations.

Why does snoop dogg use an unmbrella ?
Fo Drizzle

TIL why Jesus will be so angry when he returns to earth…
It’ll only be his second time coming. I think I’m going to hell for this.

What are politics called in Poland?
Pole-itics

What do you call a black man who flies an airplane?
A pilot you fucking racist

Why did man invent science?
He was tired of being wrong

The bartender said that this drink makes me irresistible. Now I wanted to ask you if it works already?