Things better not to say - random entries

In America, you go to recruitment office
In Russia, recruitment office go to you!

I once met a guy who claimed he had a MASSIVE penis
He called himself a “Weapon of ass destruction”

I heard a noise outside, so I looked out the window and witnessed a murder.
I’m not going to call the police. It was only a lot of crows.

A doctor at a psychiatric hospital wants to send some patients home after a test
the doctor brings 3 patients to an empty pool and tells them to jump in and swim the first patient jumps in and breaks both his legs the second patient dives head first and dies the third patient refuses, so the doctor says “this one seems logical, maybe we should send him home” he then asks the patient why he didn’t jump, and the patient replies “I can’t swim”

How many turk to change a lightbulb?
Who cares? Ceiling collapsed.

Cosmological loser
n. A person who is a waste of both space and time. .

What did the Qatari man say to his American best friend?
"You know, we are alike because your infrastructure was built by slaves too!" The American best friend nodded in agreement

What is a unit of Tate in Romanian Prison Called?
in-cell

Form a band, call it "Blinddarm" and break through!

Why do vampires make the same mistakes over and over again?
Because they lack reflection.

What do you call a wolf lost in the evening?
A where-wolf by night

How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor.

Why would no women in the world be a bad thing?
It would be a pain in the ass