The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Why do you need to know gymnastics to invade Russia?
Because you need to be able to make a summerassult.
My wife said she wanted to give me a three-way for my birthday.
I asked, "What are their names?"
A joke my Uncle tells. Makes me laugh every time..
Somewhere deep down south a man dials 9-1-1.. Operator: “Emergency services. Is there a problem?” Man: “Hi, uhh ya. I jus’ came home and I foun’ my wife lyin’ dead on tha floor.” Operator: “I am so sorry to hear that sir. How would you like us to assist you?” Man: “Yea, uhh. I’d like yew to come an’ pick ‘er up.” Operator: “I’ll send someone right over. Can you inform me of the address?” Man: “ Yea, I live a’ 103 Alemeter Drive.” Operator: “Okay, and can you spell that for me?” Man: “Uh-huh. It’s A-L-A… wait, A-L-E.. nah that’s can’t be right… A-L… uhhh.” Man: “Hell, I’ll drag ‘er ova ta oak street an’ yew can pick ‘er up there!”
Ladies! I finally found a place where you can get big discounts on clothes!
Here in my room. They’re 100% off.
How to be nice
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Soldier, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier’s shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier’s other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. - “How long must this go on?” the Soldier asked. - “This fighting between our services? - "This hatred?" - "This animosity?" - "This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?”
I am Livid.
I ordered a silver cigarette case for my brother online. But when it arrived someone had engraved the word "CUNT" on the back of it, I was livid. I distinctly asked for it on the front.
After the priest performed a successful exorcism, Karen refused to pay the fee
The priest then had her repossessed.
What school does Harry Styles go to?
I don’t know but what i do know is his career path only took him in one direction
My premature ejaculation problem started when my other half dressed up as a superhero
Before I knew it I came in a Flash