The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner
So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?
A young priest is new to a confregation
And he strikes up a conversation with a young nun. He tells her that on his studies in The Vatican he’s come to understand an important teaching that’s been neglected. Basically, it turns out the kingdom of heaven is sealed with an earthly lock. Luckily, men posses the key and women, the lock itself. These tools are conveniently located between the legs of said men and women. The naive nun falls for it and they vigorously open that lock. He urges the nun to be quiet about it, it’s hard for folks to understand if it’s not explained carefully. A few weeks later he tries the same thing on another young nun and it works. Another soul saved! After a while the two young nuns can’t contain their excitement and reveal their saved status to each other. Unfortunately, the older and more knowledgeable Mother Superior overhears and confronts them about this. They nervously explain the story to head nun who turns red with fury. “That son of a bitch!” she erupts. “What, Mother? Is something wrong with what Father told us?” “You’re god damned right there is. He told me that was Gabriel’s horn and I’ve been blowing it for the past month!”
I searched for "lighter" on Google today and it gave me a thousand matches.
From Jack Rhysdier on his Darknet Diaries podcast.
Did you hear about how the Chinese defeated Ghengis Khan?
They found a chink in his armour.
I put out a poll to see if anyone out there was interested in insect based burgers.
All I’m hearing is crickets!
Did you know piranhas can eat up the body entirely upto the bones in 45 seconds ? Me neither.
Anyway, I lost the job at the aquarium.
A police man knocked on my door the other morning and said ‘it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck’
I said ‘I know’
A pregant woman walks into a bar.
Her husband says "ouch", because everything has to be be about him.
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They prefer to stay in the dark.
Today is the day…
I post a lame joke just to get some upvotes! (PS. Isn’t that what Cake day for?!)
I got a letter the other day without a return address on it. I assumed it was from the Philippines...
It was in a Manila envelope.