The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Why did Superman stay out of trouble when he was a kid?
He had a lot of super-vision.
When the Mexican guy forgot his ticket to the water park, the employee let him in anyway
“Typically I’m a stickler about this sort of thing,” he remarked “But I’m gonna let this Juan slide.”
Plans for a new railway in Oxfordshire scrapped
For many years, the townsfolk of West Oxfordshire were looking forward to the opening of a brand new railway from London to the market town of Witney The Witney - Euston line was very close to being green lit, but after a number of line extensions it ended up terminating in Bath. Shortly after that, all plans were shelved.
A spider crawled into my keyboard last night...
He is still in there. I have him under control.
What’s the one thing you don’t want to hear after giving a blowjob to Tom Cruise?
“I’m not Tom Cruise” (Not an original joke, heard it on Theo Von’s podcast)
I was at an Arab carvery one time and I ordered a slice of camel.
"Certainly, sir," said the attendant. "One hump or two?"
A man with a great dane and a man with a Chihuahua go to a bar, but it says “no pets allowed”
One man says to the other “how will we bring our dogs inside?” The second man gives the first a pair of very dark sunglasses and says “do what I do.” He goes inside and the manager says “Sorry, no pets allowed.” The man says “You don’t understand. This is my guide dog.” “A great dane? Really?” Says the manager. “Yeah, they just got them into service. He’s great at protecting me, and his sense of smell allows me to easily find my way around the city” The manager decides to let him in. The man with the Chihuahua was watching carefully, and goes “how hard can this be?” So he puts on his sunglasses and goes to the bar. The manager sees him and says once again: “sorry sir, not pets allowed.” You don’t understand, this is my guide dog.” “A chihuahua?” “A CHIHUAHUA?! THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?!”