The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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What is the difference between a subway sandwich and a whore
Both could be avoided if your wife did her damn job
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart beat fast, and changes your life forever.
We call those people cops around here.
Why do some kids want to be a garbageman when they grow up?
Because they only work one day a week.
Why did Dracula always fail job interviews?
He could never answer, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Soviet joke: A worker standing in a liquor line says: “I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.”
Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask, “Did you get him?” “No, the line there was even longer than the line here.”
Trying to find a story anti-joke I heard once from a coworker
The story went something like this but I can’t remember the exact punchline, please help me out if you know where it’s from or could write the joke well! There’s an extremely skilled carpenter father who has a son but loses his wife in childbirth. Then the son grows up and gets cancer young so the father has to sell all his valuable sculpted pieces of wood to pay for the surgery including a special wooden globe he made for his son because his son is his whole world. Then his son tragically dies and the father wants to go find the globe he made as a memorial to his son, he looks all over in different stores but is distraught until going into the final store in town where the shop keeper leads him to a back room and they talk for a minute and then the shop keeper makes a stupid pun that turns the whole story joke on it’s head It made me laugh so hard but now I can’t remember, please help!
The joke I came up with while I was half asleep.
A spoon and a microwave are talking to each other. The spoon says: “So what’s your name?” Microwave: “Mike.” Spoon: “Is that short for Michael?” Microwave: “It’s short for microwave.”
My wife and I make love doggy style...
I sit up and beg, she lies down and plays dead.