The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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I applied for a job at a travel agency and they asked if I spoke Polish.
said, "What kind of polish? Shoe polish. Nail polish? Furniture polish? (Yeah, absolutely awful Dad joke.)
tracks.
Two guys were walking through the forest and they came upon some tracks. One guy said those are deer track, the other said No! those are rabbit tracks. They followed them along the route to find out exactly what they were. Rabbit Tracks! Deer Tracks! Rabbit Tracks! Deer Tracks! This went on for some time. About a half hour later they were still following the tracks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . They get hit by a train.
Buttons. Definitely buttons.
A couple shopping for a groom’s tuxedo is asked “would you like buttons or a zipper on the trousers?” “Buttons”, the soon to be bride replies, “He has I jacket with a zipper and he keeps getting his tie caught in the zipper.”
A man has 4 sons
1st son: Degree in economics 2nd son: MBA 3rd son: PhD 4th son: Thief Neighbor asks: Why can you throw your fourth son out of the house Father: He is the only one earning money, the rest are all unemployed
I started to consider how to make ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs’ a reality.
But it was just a Meateor Theory.
A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns.
Just as he did, a peal of laughter could be heard in another room. Glaring at me, he grumbled, *“What are they doing back there, counting the money?”*
“The Emporer Has No Clothes!”
“Shush kid, it’s modern art. You just don’t understand it.”
What did the parent do to the teenager who snuck out and took the car and was killed in a car accident?
He was grounded.
So she told me that I was the worst she has ever had on bed.
How could she make that judgement on 30 seconds ?
My family is very diverse in their sexual orientation. One fucks women, one fucks men, one fucks both...
...I just want them to fuck off.
What’s the difference between Birth Control and BitCoin?
One is a method of protection from unintended consequences while being screwed, the other is a pill.
Guys, abortion may be illegal soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she’s an anti-vaxxer.
Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you’ll only have to pay for 3.